AGAPE Love - Find Your Life-Time Spouse

By Apostle Cathryn Hughes

According to Word iQ: Agapē (in Greek written αγάπη; pronounced "ah-GAH-peh") is the Greek word for divine, unconditional love.

According to it means:
1. the love of God or Christ for humankind.
2. the love of Christians for other persons, corresponding to the love of God for humankind.
3. unselfish love of one person for another without sexual implications; brotherly love.
4. love feast

Agape Love: Asked which is the greatest commandment, Jesus replied, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and prophets" (Matt. 22:37-40; cf. Mark 12:2-31; Luke 10:26-27). According to Mark 12:31 Jesus stated that there is no other command greater than these two commands. Hence, love is of preeminent importance in the Bible.

In 2004, I was doing missions in Nigeria, and the Lord revealed to me why many couples had so many difficulties in relationships in the Nigerian culture.

I held services in a mission where couples needed lots of counsel and were going through many problems with each other. Seems they lost their love they once had, or some never really had a solid love in the Lord for one another.

When couples serve God and are true to Him, The Lord gives us AGAPE love. This type of love is given only by God. And this is a love that helps us to grow close to God and project out of us--to others. A divine love. So when we meet the one that God wants us to be with, we can share that same AGAPE love with them in Jesus. It's not a love that the world gives, it's a beautiful eternal love that only God gives. Nothing can match the AGAPE love given by the Father Jehovah! AMEN

I taught men and women what God had revealed to me about what was happening in their marriages. I taught from scriptures about how God shows love and relationships in the Bible. When I taught men, many ran forward to the altar for prayer. When I taught women, the same thing happened. The reason was not me, it was the conviction they were shown by God--in their own hearts from their fallen relationships. They wanted so much to grow in God and with their spouses!

In Nigeria, I witnessed how many men were too harsh and controlling, over women, even abusive and not patient with their wife. Many men and some women were unfaithful. They tried to acted like they were saved, but had no respect for their wife.

Many women of pastors were neglected, and forgotten. They had a real need to be a true, prime example to their family in the Lord, as they should be.

They lacked kindness, understanding, patience, and put themselves above their wife, instead of considering to put love for her-- before himself. . And after praying for them God transformed them. They repented and got on the right track again. AMEN

Thank God. I did find some real Agape couples who really love each other! It  was awesome to see 'God first' in their relationships So there was still hope yet! AMEN!

As I talked to people and learned about the culture, I found that women were raised to think they need a rich man, rather than the parents teaching the girls to find a man who loves her. They encouraged her to find a man who was a foreigner, or worked in a business. Many were totally against having their wife marry a pastor. Many of the parents felt that the pastors didn't make enough money for their daughter. So as they taught this way, the women lacked finding a man who would truly love her in the Lord.

 It was not based on teaching them AGAPE love and ONENESS in God, only on greed. For many of their pagan practices were based on this. Most of the couples didn't show affection so it was hard to tell what they felt for their wife or husband.  I never hear the words LOVE in their relationships either. Not saying that some didn't love their spouses, just you never heard this talked about.

It amazed me sometimes, when I would here a man, who was seeking to find finding a lady tell me that, he wanted a woman who could 'serve him'. I found this wording to be selfish sounding. Like it was all about him--not her. I never heard a man say, "I want to find a Godly woman that I can love, take care of, whom I can stand in the Lord with, as ONE". It was only about finding a lady to take care of him him. With AGAPE love the love is shared both ways and it's not only a one-sided love in Christians.

God is the author of Agape love and it's God who knows how to match a marriage couple the best! AMENMany women in Nigeria have a mindset by being raised with thinking--that as they hunt for a man, that the perfect man is one who has a car, fancy house, who will give the women THINGS. And many of the women that men date,play so many mind games, just to get what she wants.

And this happens in their marriages too. And many men get involved with their maids and sleep with them instead of being faithful men of God and devoted to their wife.

This is why marriages do not work and so many have infidelity problems. I can see the African men now agreeing with me now! I explain a lot to men and woman about God's love so then they see it in a different light for the first time in their life.

Seems people are out for their own goals except for real AGAPE love that God provides to them for their marriage.. They seem to lack seeking God's will and trying to find their own. Families have a lot of say over their choices and decisions and many times they can't make their own decisions.

Many are not willing to wait on God and then they make big mistakes trying to hurry to find a lady to marry. When God wants you to find a spouse, it will be in His timing, not yours. Most of the time when people rush they end up not happy with the one they chose. So what do they do?

Without the Agape love, and following God--waiting for His guidance, and if you only do it yourself, the outcome will not be as good as>>God coming first, the Agape anointing to guiding you, and connecting with a woman with the same AGAPE love of God as you.

And when both have this same AGAPE LOVE for one another, it's anointed by God! And if they marry in the guidance of God, that UNION you will have in marriage, will be the most wonderful! Not perfect, (for we are all human, and humans have flaws). And, the Lord will be leading and guiding you, if you are ONE in the Jesus! AMEN

Your relationship will grow deep, unmoveable and consistant in AGAPE LOVE. Both will be wanting God' will, and His Grace, His guidance and selfishness will not be the lead in your hearts.

If a woman is only seeking out what she can get from a man, and If the ladies do not get what they want, many times they get bored and leave a man hanging high and dry. I see the men shaking their heads in agreement with me as I say this.

If the men do not get the servant and perfect lady, (without problems), the men run to another lady. And ladies, you can totally agree with me there. Seems that they give up too easy and do not have much direction in marriage growth at times.

Seems like a vicious cycle of selfishness and the flesh. So you see how important it is to allow the AGAPE love of God to lead you and not your own will. By Walking in the Spirit together--not allowing the flesh to take over and mess up your relationship.
People want this perfect relationship and they are not seeking true love for one another. And you will never find a perfect person. You are not perfect and nobody else is. And it's a fact that you have to accept each other as you are, or it can't work. Yes, marriage does take a lot of work. Both husband and wife have to give ALWAYS to your relationship so it will be nourished and full of love. If you do it will grow deep, unmoveable and consistant in AGAPE LOVE. Both will be wanting God' will, and God's Grace.We are all different. And besides, you can learn a lot from a person who is 'not like you'. When we are both willing to learn from one another in God, that blend can be so beautiful. You can learn from them and they can learn from you. You want to keep learning and growing together. And to do that, you need AGAPE love. The Lord's anointing and to pray and allow God to show you both how to learn and compliment each other in Him.



Love is not about your own way, Love is giving--And giving will be your first priority. For that is how the Spirit of God leads.

In order to have a good relationship with each other, it's very important that both men and women submit to God first, and then to each other.

Men do not think they have to submit to women, and in order to be ONE with her he has to. Both of you submit to one another.

The Order is God above you and your wife. You are side by side as One in Christ. So both of you are ONE together in the Lord.

You can't think you are a bigger half and your wife is a smaller half. God made you equally halves to be ONE. God comes first to make you both one.  At the same level, and together in God. How can man or people change what the Word says about that?

In many doctrines of the Churches, the Bible teachings are so corrupt. They try to convince you that the teaching of marriage and relationship in marriage as lopsided. Making it seem men are the only voice. This is not true according to the Bible. If you look at how it speaks of giving to each other in marriage, there is always giving to each other. Points to both men and women, who need improvements. You can't have a prideful spirit and be ONE in God. It does not work that way though many think it does.

The Bible never elevates a human over another as far as ego or pride. God speaks of being humble in Christ. This is not based on selfishness or false teachings of how Men and women are in Christ. Leadership together in marriage is a big responsiblity of LOVE. And it has to be a true partnership of LOVE.

Jesus shows us the importance of relationship with God Love is what leads you, because of what Jesus taught. Not focusing on I AM A MAN OF THE HOUSE attitude--rather I am a Godly leader and I have a big responsibility to be kind and try hard to be the best for my wife and family. . AMEN

Women have to be a partner with her husband, being part of making decisions together, helping out and supporting the husband, and a servant of God, and men have to be a good example of love to his wife and and his children--in providing for them. According to the Bible the men are supposed to be patient and loving to their wife showing honor.

Many relationships fall apart because of not solving problems, not communicating, not forgiving, not saying sorry when you need to, stubborness, and jealousy. Selfishness is the biggest problem of all. Once a partner becomes selfish, there is no way you can work together.God can't work with rebels, those who are selfish and go their own ways.  You can't reason with rebels.

If both are takers, it's a very selfish relationship. For both want to take take take and it's only about ME ME ME--what 'I want', 'My Way!' A total struggle of pull of self-satisfaction rather than giving mindset as God ordained.

If one is a taker, and one is the giver, it will not work either, because the one giving, will be taken for granted and taken advantage of by the taker. The giver wil become unhappy because there is no giving in return in the relationship. In that situation, the only one happy is the taker. And this is not a ONENESS AGAPE relationship that God wants. It Fails every time!

So in order to be happy in a marriage you both have to be givers and never stop giving in the Lord and in Love. So it takes both of you to work at it and have that Agape love in Jesus!In order for a relationship to be on the same level you must LOVE TRULY, understand each other and really have a connection and devotion to one another. No fakes or pretending.

Part of love is being kind and more concerned to please each other in all areas of your relationship.. Working together to achieve the same goals in God  in life. And without tugging and pulling away from each other.

Caring, loving, praying together, reading the Word, and being patient and caring more for the other than yourself is the key.This has to be in both spouses. Otherwise selfishness creeps in and spoils it all. Now you can see clearly why marriages fail.

Wisdom and common sense are things God gives you to see what you are choosing when  you work on your marriage relationship. Good decisions will save you from making big mistakes. Sometimes you will have to  wait on God to show you direction, you will have to stand in faith of the Word together. ,And as God leads you, you will see clearly his answers and directions.

One thing I can testify to. I met my wonderful fiance' and both of us met not seeking to marry. We just wanted friendship and soon we realized that God was putting us together. We have everything in common and have known each other almost 2 years now. I never found anyone like Victor, my fiance' before. We are both the same size, love the same things, music, and the more we talk the more we realize everything about us is identical. We pray together and have great communication. We love each other dearly and we know it was God who put us together. We didn't have to hunt and try to find someone. It just happened. :)


Looking for someone for a soul-mate?. Allow God to hunt for you, then let it go until God brings it to pass. This way the very blessed and anointed man or woman will enter your life! One hand-picked by the Father Himself. With His Agape love and guidance, you will be able to connect with a love you never dreamed of finding.! I know I did. :)

Ask God to show you the right one and be specific with God in what you want in a lady or man. You will be surprised to find that he will give you what you ask and more...

Men: Never try to make a woman to be what you want her to be. Never expect her to be like you. Accept her as her. You want her to always be that loving lady you met right? So don't spoil it to try to change her AMEN!

Respect her for this is whom God blessed you with. So know that it's a wonderful thing to find a good wife. AMEN

Also to men: When dating, and you are seeking a soul-mate, the best advice I can give to you. Instead of making the first move to say you love the lady, allow a lady her to fall in love with you first. Let her make the decision if she accepts you as THE ONE first. Don't try to change her or make decisions for her on being with you. If you pressure a lady to much, she will back away. So take the relationship light and be her friend and enjoy that friendship and see how it goes in the Lord. This shows patience and maturity.

Don't act demanding or possessive. Just be a friend until God shows her that you are the one. Otherwise you can easily jump the gun by getting your own feelings hurt and maybe she won't see you as the one for her when you already like her. Take it slow.

If a man takes his time to make his lady happy and finds out what she likes and dislikes, he can work with her according to what makes her happy. Pray about all things in your relationship and stay in the Spirit of God. Listen to the lady and care about what she says with interest. AMEN

Seek a Godly, patient, loving, and a man who respects you.  Look for characteristics of Christ in him. Be careful not to fine a controlling man. Watch his actions and how he responds.

You don't need a man who is quick to anger. It will make you a very miserable woman. Make sure you feel totally comfortable with him. and how he treats you. If he is bossy or tries to change you--heed my warning. Because this is the type of man who will control your life. You don't want that. And before you fall in love with a man, know him very well first.

Tell him what you feel, if you feel uncomforable in any way, and if he loves you, and make sure he respects your feelings.

Seek a man who is rich in God, and try not to just find a man who has money, or is rich material wise, for this does not tell you about his character. This will not make you happy.

You must find a man whom you can feel free to be yourself with, who is compadible to you in God, who allows you to be the best You for God, and one who will be good to you and take care of you.

And last but not least, make sure he believes in equality between men and women in the Lord. Pray for God to show you about him to see him how he really is. Be very particular in picking a man so that you won't make a mistake. Do not allow him to rush you and make sure he respects you.

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