Correcting Ourselves in Marriage
By Apostle Cathryn Ndyabagye

Luke 11:4
And forgive us our sins, for we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us [who has offended us or done us wrong]. Bring us not into temptation but rescue us from evil.

Pastors, are you having problems with your wife?

Let me share some insights that may help you overcome your problems by solving them...

Many  pastors complain about their wife, and I have seen a big percent of them with bad attitudes about the wife. My concern for these pastors are: What have they done to cause their wives to feel so distant from them? Why is their wife feeling so insecure in their relationship?

In order to solve this problem you have to look at the whole picture honestly. Not just what you are blaming. Look at you.

Many times in marriage especially in pastors, they get themselves in the position that they must talk against their wives in public, or to others--putting her down even at the pulpit, and saying all their personal problems to congregations. This does not help the marriage!  In reality, this looks bad for the pastor! This is not solving their marriage issue. Solving should be between the spouse and the wife--no one else.

Matthew 5:11
Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man

Correct our own selves in marriage!

Many spouses in trouble and not being close think it's OK to say all manner of things with a pointing finger. And Jesus told us not to judge. Especially the wife of thy youth!

In actuality, I don't think God is happy with this approach. Too self-righteous, and it's not fair to try to justify yourself when your wife needs you. Why side everyone against your wife? She is the one God made you ONE with! God does not ordain this type of behavior.

When your 'image' is all a pastor cares about this is called  'pride' and pride is ugly when it raises it's head. Pride comes before a fall. So pastors need to think about this--and try to work out their personal problems at home.

Some men set such high standards for their wife to follow, she can't even be herself! The relationship becomes a lopsided, and onesided relationship. This is called control.

Correct our own selves in marriage!

Instead of controling a person, and expecting them to be like you, think of examining your ways. It's necessary in order for you to correct yourself. 

Men have a hard time correcting themselves. They think they are just a boss of their wife. But their role as a husband, is way more than boss! Men must have a loving spirit and kind heart.

Men need to take the time to see what what is bothering their spouse. IF they really love their wife, they will do anything to correct that problem for the wife they love. They won't make a spectical out of themselves if love is really there for their wife.

Husbands should protect their wife. This means be private in their problems, as far as, working them out and growing together. Laying his life down for her! Didn't Jesus do this for the Bride?

Many men lack, because they don't know how to love their wife and problem solve--only blame.

Any marriage you are in, your spouse needs nourishing and growing in love. Are you feeding your marriage with love?

Once spouses realize, that it takes 'two' to make or break their marriage, then they can learn to examine their own faults, and not be afraid to face them like a man/woman should.  God holds us all responsible for how we act to our spouses.

Once we examine how we can solve these problems within our own marriage, then we can get somewhere.

Correct our own selves in marriage!

First we have to die to self. Instead of being so focused on the faults of the spouse. We need to go to God about our own... 

Be a forgiver and lover to your spouse. Put your best foot forward for them.

Yes, we all face problems in marriage, and if we know how to handle, and solve these problems in a loving way, then we can move forward to the next level.

My husband and I will be married one year next month, and we faced a few hard knocks in adjusting to each other. Not only in cultural differences, we also had adjust to each other as we lived together as husband and wife. We faced some problems with communicating, we corrected our ways so that we know how to communicate better. We know how to grow together and learned from each other.

Making sure we are clear on what we mean, and to be patient with one another. Our love has gone to a new level, because we were willing to correct our own selves in our marriage!

We don't control one another. We grow together and are willing to do whatever to keep our love fresh and new. To please the other. That is our focus!

Correct our own selves in marriage!

James 2:9
But if you show servile regard (prejudice, favoritism) for people, you commit sin and are rebuked and convicted by the Law as violators and offenders.

This means you have to treat your wife as good as you treat yourself, your friends, and church members, and be compassionate to her too :) Not bias...

The most important things you can do in marriage is  find out about each other--the good and bad things--we also should be able to peacefully find solutions to any problems we face. Keep each other happy and keep giving!

We learned how valuable it is to treasure our love to our spouse!

One of the mistakes that pastors make with their wife, is they put their church before their wife, and sometimes this makes the wife feel left out, and the pastors can't understand this.  The wife becomes insecure in their love. The pastors get so busy with others, and praying for other's needs, they can tend and forget the wife's need.

Never allow yourselves to forget your spouse. And honor them. This is a better example to the Church when you show you love your spouse and take good care of her.

Correct our own selves in marriage!

Even when facing struggles, honor them. All of us are human and we all make mistakes along the way. And love from our spouse helps us to correct our own self.

Never think yourself to be better than your spouse. Put her above you, and correct your own mistakes. Let God correct hers.

If we face problems, or see something that can hurt our relationship, be nice enough to find a time to make time for them. Sit down and put your arm around them and say, "We need to talk and work on getting closer" :) Talk to them in a nice way, avoiding words that can make them defensive. Approach in a warm kind way.


Correct our own selves in marriage!

If you can't get anywhere, pray. Be patient enough to allow them time to think about it. and stay in Prayer. God does many wonderful things supernaturally when we pray! It makes a lot of changes in your marriage and works!

When pastors go against their wife, it can cause a stumbling block to her by talking to others. This can cause your wife to fall. And God holds a man accountable for this.

It's not wise to be speaking of your marriage problems from the pulpit!

When a lady is not secure with her husband, and the husband does not pay attention, she will start changing and not be happy. If he assures her that he loves her and does all he can to be good to her, and is patient and kind, not treating her bad, then she will feel secure. Assuring her that he loves her and honors her will bring closeness in the relationship.

If you are mean, rude, and can't say anything nice to your wife, are demanding and feel like she is not good enough for you, then you will cause her to back away from you! You are equally ONE together in God's eyes!

Problems I see in pastors today that have problems with their wife is bad mouthing their wife instead of being the spiritual leader in Jesus and love.Please handle your wife and marriage with care!

Like it or not, a man is the spiritual leader of the home. And if he lacks in his responsiblity to his love for his wife and honoring her, he can bring her to shame with words and kill their relationship, even when he blames her.

Lifting and holding each other up in prayer, the Lord and love is what builds a relationship in God. Without love we can't have a good marriage.

Men need to think about this when they are pastors. Pastors have problems too. They are human beings.
Each spouse has to work on his own problem, and be more responsible!  We can't correct our spouse. We can talk with them with a gentle spirit.  We can pray God will correct them! :)

Correct our own selves in marriage!We have to use the loving approach to our spouse and find a good way to solve the issues we face.

Fault finding and gossiping about your spouse will not solve your problem. Forgiving, loving and being patient with your spouse will.

God knows what you face, you need to give it to God and submit yourself to your spouse.   Some men say NO WAY to submitting to their wife. Scripture says to submit one to another!

Seems opposite of what you want to do?? Well it works! I guarantee it does.

Nothing is worse than when a wife is rejected, or neglected by her husband, and nothing is more painful than to have him broadcast it to the world. This will tear up the marriage for sure.

No matter how the pastor tries to justify himself, he can't expect the marriage to work if he is gossiping about the wife God gave him. This is not the right approach that Jesus taught us.

Correct our own selves in marriage!

Men are to love their wifes and not be harsh with them. And if you do not love your wife and treat her right, the Lord will not answer your prayers.

Rebellion only leads to problems, and if a man is harsh on his wife --take heed! That is how serious the Bible is about men being loving their bride.

Jesus has a loving spirit, forgives, and accepts us even with our flaws. He understands what we lack and he also knows how to help us grow past them. And the best way to help a person  with their flaws is to pray for them and love them. God takes care of the rest. AMEN!

Condemning them will not help your marriage at all. What really is affective is taking responsibility for your own actions and words.

Correct our own selves in marriage!

If you reject your spouse and talk about them, this shows your--spirit of neglect on your part. This pollutes your being in God.

The words that come out of your mouth can pollute you!

God has a reason for you to face these problems, not to bother you, or to make you reject your spouse! Of course not! It is to help you to grow and get through them. You don't have to divorce or leave each other. This does not solve your problem.

Solving problems means to look at your own self and see what it is that is causing some of the problems. Not just blaming it all your spouse. Look at the things you could have contributed to the problems too. Be honest!  

What are you doing and saying that cause them to be unhappy? See what you can do yourself to correct your own ways.

James 3:2
For we all often stumble and fall and offend in many things. And if anyone does not offend in speech [never says the wrong things], he is a fully developed character and a perfect man, able to control his whole body and to curb his entire nature.

Praying for a spouse that is off-track, will help them get on-track again.

Praying in love shows that you love them and support them. Jesus would do that. So, we should care enough to show our love completely for our spouse.

It does not kill your image or ego to correct yourself. It takes a real man or woman to do such. It's only right in God.

Correct our own selves in marriage!

Want to get closer to your spouse? Admit your faults, apologize no matter who is at fault, and submit to them.

What can I do to make my marriage work?
What can I do to correct my ways?
What can I do to bless my spouse more?
How can I make my spouse feel secure?

Don't be too proud to correct yourself. If you know you are doing things dumb or stupid to your spouse, stop doing it, and correct your ways. Don't dare blame them for your own mistakes.

We have to correct what can hurt the other. Make sure your actions are good and Godly!

Forgive, love, pray, and by our own actions and words we can correct in God.

Correct our own selves in marriage!

Don't be your spouses enemy--be their best friend!

Go and do the right thing and God will bless you!

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