How To Deal With Controlling People
By Apostle Cathryn Ndyabagye

Ephesians 5:2
Your life must be controlled by love, just as Christ loved us and gave his life for us as a sweet-smelling offering and sacrifice that pleases God.

Many people today do not have a mind of their own. They live for other people and end up being a slave to a controlling person. This is a fact. Happens every day!

I have seen many people hurt by a controlling person. And they crush the spirit of others often without even realizing they are out of control with control!

When I have allowed people to control me in the past, I got walked on and taken for granted. I had to remove myself from their control. I found another way to deal with people such as this...

God helped me to see and opened my eyes on how balance is so important in our walk with him. That we can be free with liberty to serve God in the Holy
Spirit freely. We don't live under bondage. We are free in God's love. Jesus wants to be the one in control of our lives!

I can get along with most people and if they try to control me, they usually do not like it when I let them know, because I have to be me, and  I won't allow it. That God is my control. Because my life is ran by God not man. I follow God's lead.

There is a difference in controlling a person verses being in authority.

God made authority for leading in love that helps people better, not control their lives to make them miserable and abused or taken for granted. Surely God is not that way AMEN!

 I think people sometimes warp the word of with their own selfish ideas and run with it. In God our leadership points to love and to the cross where Jesus died for us. Leadership in Jesus does not neglect anyone or do any harm to people.

I have no problem with authority because I learned to respect them and do. I respect those younger than me also. Respect is the key to respect all people. This shows that God is definitely in control of us all. :)
And I learned to lead in love.

When we can love and blend with all kinds of people, and enjoy the vast personalities God made in others, we show we can respect all people for being who they are. And when they try to make us like them, we don't
become ourselves anymore, if we allow them to control us.

Authority is good, as long as it does not put you into bondage of any kind. That should not be tollerated. If authority shows respect then you are in safer hands. AMEN!

Did you know that the ungodly are not supposed to control a Christian's life? 

So that means those who are Christians that are in God's authority, and are heads of Churches, over the body,  are responsible to be the best leadership for Jesus, displaying the likeness of Jesus in love and not lead in controlling slaving type of treatment. It needs to be a godly leadership with a caring heart!

Galatians 5:16
But I say, walk and live [habitually] in the [Holy] Spirit [responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit]; then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and desires of the flesh (of human nature without God).

When people feel the need to control me, or expect me to be controlled by them--I will let them know in a kind way how I feel about it. :) Sometimes they don't
like me because they can't succeed in controlling my life like they want. :)

God gave each of us our own mind to think of what we need to do for our own self. And through this, God never guides us to bring bondage into others peoples
lives.Control brings bondage into many lives. Controlled people causes those a person controls not free, and they are stuck DOING AS THEIR TOLD by the controlling person.

Galatians 5:25
If we live by the [Holy] Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. [If by the Holy Spirit we have our life in God, let us go forward walking in line, our conduct controlled by the Spirit.]

Ask many women today who have controlling husbands. They can tell you first hand what it's like. They are abused, and neglected all at the same time. Mistreated and many are called men of God! But this I question when they don't live according to the Bible.


Galations 5:1

[ Preserve Your Freedom ] Freedom is what we have—Christ has set us free! Stand, then, as free people, and do not allow yourselves to become slaves again.

I love serving the Lord because His Love sets you free and liberty is given from God.

We don't have to live in bondage and allow someone to erase who we are! We have to be US in Jesus. So if we are living for a controlling person, doing
and being them, how can we be controlled by God?

For those married and live with a controlling husband. This is what the Word says and how God watches:

Malachi 2:16
For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate].

God understands very much who is controlling and abusive and he won't tollerate it. They have to be accountable to Him!

Controlling people verses People who accept and respect people for who they are:

I don't know about you but, I am more comfortable around people who accept me and focus on love and kindness,  rather than those who want me to be something THEY want me to be. We have to be ourselves in God. AMEN!

How Controlling people are:
People who control focus more on every action YOU do.
They expect you to be perfect as they think they are. :)
They are selfish and live is focused to be all about them.
They expect you to be like them.
They are sarcastic a lot of times or say smart remarks
to put you down. So they can edify themselves.
They start things, get everyone all upset, then they blame others for the whole ordeal. :)
A person who controls will butt heads with you a lot.
Argue and cause strife.
They like to be perfectionists, and are not perfect themselves.
They like to start problems.
They don't care about you if you feel sick.
They are cold and callus.
When they get sick, the whole world is ending. :)
They don't have time to listen to you.

A person who does not have the need to control
can love and respect others for being who they are.
They enjoy their life and others around them.
They care for others, not just themselves.
Try to look at the good in others.
They have no need to control.
They can love you for who and what you are, and they are not selfish.
They give and help others and accept people even with flaws as we all have :)
They are more relaxed and enjoy their families more.
There is less strife in their home.
They talk instead of yell.
They are not quick to start problems and are not sarcastic.
They use more wisdom in what they say and how they say things.
They don't allow their tongue to pollute them by speaking smart comments.
They will not put their family friends or anyone
through control mode.
They show respect for their spouse and kids.
They don't need to argue or butt heads.
They listen, care and have compassion.
Peace reigns in them and their families.

Remember something: A controlling person denies and shows no remorse and can hurt you without a conscience! Get away from them,
until they change their life, or move on.. They will destroy your life!

Things such as: Control of depression, oppression, abuse, neglect and any other harmful selfish ways. These type of people are not of God.

We don't have to control people and we surely do not have to allow anyone to control us. AMEN If people really are a Christian and love God, respect will be seen.  They will be happier and work together as a team and not have to worry about control. AMEN!
You can have harmony, freedom, liberty and peace in Jesus! :) UNITY IN CHRIST IN ONE SPIRIT!

There are two things God wants to see us have authority in:

1. In The Authority of His Word
2. In The Authority in our own spiritual walk with God--Overcoming sin, walking in the spirit
and following God's lead. Correct ourselves,and control our own lives in God. Be responsible in our authority in our own calling.

To live it right by God, and do good to others. Live in the word and stay in Prayer. Trust in the Lord for our life. Standing confident in God--who leads us. :)

Psalm 1:1 GNT
Happy are those
who reject the advice of evil people,
who do not follow the example of sinners
or join those who have no use for God.

We have a choice who we listen to and the
direction we go. :) Being controlled by God!

Scriptures to help you!

Luke 4:18
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has chosen me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free the oppressed

Romans 8:21

that creation itself would one day be set free from its slavery to decay and would share the glorious freedom of the children of God.

1 Corinthians 8:9
Be careful, however, not to let your freedom of action make those who are weak in the faith fall into sin.

1 Corinthians 10:29

that is, not your own conscience, but the other person's conscience.“Well, then,” someone asks, “why should my freedom to act be limited by another person's conscience?

2 Corinthians 3:17
Now, “the Lord” in this passage is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is present, there is freedom.

Galatians 2:4
although some wanted it done. Pretending to be believers, these men slipped into our group as spies, in order to find out about the freedom we have through our union with Christ Jesus. They wanted to make slaves of us.

Galatians 5:1

[ Preserve Your Freedom ] Freedom is what we have—Christ has set us free! Stand, then, as free people, and do not allow yourselves to become slaves again.

Galatians 5:13

As for you, my friends, you were called to be free. But do not let this freedom become an excuse for letting your physical desires control you. Instead, let love make you serve one another.

Ephesians 1:14

The Spirit is the guarantee that we shall receive what God has promised his people, and this assures us that God will give complete freedom to those who are his. Let us praise his glory!

1 Peter 2:16

Live as free people; do not, however, use your freedom to cover up any evil, but live as God's slaves.

2 Peter 2:19

They promise them freedom while they themselves are slaves of destructive habits—for we are slaves of anything that has conquered us.

Psalm 25:2
O my God, I trust, lean on, rely on, and am confident
in You. Let me not be put to shame or [my hope in You] be disappointed; let not my enemies triumph over me.

Psalm 26:1

[ Psalm 26 ] [ [A Psalm] of David. ] Vindicate me, O Lord, for I have walked in my integrity; I have [expectantly] trusted in, leaned on, and relied on the Lord without wavering and I shall not slide.

Psalm 56:4
By [the help of] God I will praise His word; on God I lean, rely, and confidently put my trust; I will not fear. What can man, who is flesh, do to me?

Psalm 62:10

Trust not in and rely confidently not on extortion and oppression, and do not vainly hope in robbery; if riches increase, set not your heart on them.

Psalm 146:3
Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no help.

Proverbs 3:5

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

Proverbs 3:23
Then you will walk in your way securely and in confident trust, and you shall not dash your foot or stumble.

Proverbs 3:29

Do not contrive or dig up or cultivate evil against your neighbor, who dwells trustingly and confidently beside you.

Isaiah 12:2
Behold, God, my salvation! I will trust and not be afraid, for the Lord God is my strength and song; yes, He has become my salvation.

Proverbs 26:24-26(AMP)
24 He who hates pretends with his lips, but stores up deceit within himself.25 When he speaks kindly, do not trust him, for seven abominations are in his heart.
26 Though his hatred covers itself with guile, his wickedness shall be shown openly before the assembly.

Isaiah 8:19
And when the people [instead of putting their trust in God] shall say to you, Consult for direction mediums and wizards who chirp and mutter, should not a people seek and consult their God? Should they consult the dead on behalf of the living?

Isaiah 28:16
Therefore thus says the Lord God, Behold, I am laying in Zion for a foundation a Stone, a tested Stone, a precious Cornerstone of sure foundation; he who believes (trusts in, relies on, and adheres to that Stone) will not be ashamed or give way or hasten away
[in sudden panic]

Micah 7:5
Trust not in a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Keep the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your bosom.

John 5:24

I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, the person whose ears are open to My words [who listens to My message] and believes and trusts in and clings to and relies on Him Who sent Me has (possesses now) eternal life. And he does not come into judgment
[does not incur sentence of judgment, will not come under condemnation], but he has already passed over out of death into life.

John 12:46
I have come as a Light into the world, so that whoever believes in Me [whoever cleaves to and trusts in and relies on Me] may not continue to live in darkness.
as representing Him).

Psalm 31:8
You have not let my enemies capture me; you have given me freedom to go where I wish.

Psalm 68:6

He gives the lonely a home to live in and leads prisoners out into happy freedom, but rebels will have to live in a desolate land.

Psalm 119:45

I will live in perfect freedom, because I try to obey your teachings.

Acts 28:31
He preached about the Kingdom of God and taught
about the Lord Jesus Christ, speaking with all
boldness and freedom.

John 14:1

Do not let your hearts be troubled (distressed, agitated). You believe in and adhere to and trust in and rely on God; believe in and adhere to and trust in and rely also on Me.

John 17:20
Neither for these alone do I pray [it is not for their sake only that I make this request], but also for all those who will ever come to believe in (trust in, cling to, rely on) Me through their word and teaching

Romans 1:16

For I am not ashamed of the Gospel (good news) of Christ, for it is God’s power working unto salvation [for deliverance from eternal death] to everyone who believes with a personal trust and a confident surrender and firm reliance, to the Jew first
and also to the Greek,

1 Corinthians 10:13

For no temptation (no trial regarded as enticing to sin), [no matter how it comes or where it leads] has overtaken you and laid hold on you that is not common to man [that is, no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted  and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear]. But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability
and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently.

2 Corinthians 5:7

For we walk by faith [we regulate our lives and conduct ourselves by our conviction or belief respecting man’s relationship to God and divine things, with trust and holy fervor; thus we walk] not by sight or appearance.

Galatians 2:16
Yet we know that a man is justified or reckoned righteous and in right standing with God not by works of the Law, but [only] through faith and [absolute] reliance on and adherence to and trust in Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One). [Therefore]
even we [ourselves] have believed on Christ Jesus, in order to be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the Law [for we cannot be justified by any observance of the ritual of the Law given by Moses], because by keeping legal rituals and by works no human being can ever be justified (declared righteous and put in right standing with God).

Mark 16:16
He who believes [who adheres to and trusts in and relies on the Gospel and Him Whom it sets forth] and is baptized will be saved [from the penalty of eternal death]; but he who does not believe [who does not adhere to and trust in and rely on the Gospel and Him Whom it sets forth] will be condemned.

1 Corinthians 10:24
Let no one then seek his own good and advantage and profit, but [rather] each one of the other [let him seek the welfare of his neighbor].

1 Corinthians 12:25

So that there should be no division or discord or lack of adaptation [of the parts of he body to each other], but the members all alike should have a mutual interest in and care for one another.

2 Corinthians 9:7

Let each one [give] as he has made up his own mind and purposed in his heart, not reluctantly or sorrowfully or under compulsion, for God loves (He takes pleasure in, prizes above other things, and is unwilling to abandon or to do without) a cheerful
(joyous, “prompt to do it”) giver [whose heart is in his giving].

Philippians 2:3

Do nothing from factional motives [through contentiousness, strife, selfishness, or for unworthy ends] or prompted by conceit and empty arrogance. Instead, in the true spirit of humility (lowliness of mind) let each regard the others as better than and superior to himself [thinking more highly of one another than you do of yourselves].

Philippians 2:4
Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others.

1 Peter 3:8

Finally, all [of you] should be of one and the same mind (united in spirit), sympathizing [with one another], loving [each other] as brethren [of one household], compassionate and courteous (tenderhearted and humble).

John 8:24
That is why I told you that you will die in (under the curse of) your sins; for if you do not believe that I am He [Whom I claim to be—if you do not adhere to, trust in, and rely on Me], you will die in your sins.

John 10:37
If I am not doing the works [performing the deeds] of My Father, then do not believe Me [do not adhere to Me and trust Me and rely on Me].

1 Peter 4:9
Practice hospitality to one another (those of the household of faith). [Be hospitable, be a lover of strangers, with brotherly affection for the unknown guests, the foreigners, the poor, and all others who come your way who are of Christ’s body.] And [in each instance] do it ungrudgingly (cordially and graciously, without complaining but
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