Making The Marriage Bed A Happy One Part 1

By Apostle Cathryn Ndyabagye

I recommend all couples read Song of Solomon. This is about true love. Not only does it show how you are to court one another and the emotion of love, it also shows how much God loves us.

If you think of how God loves us as the Bride of Christ, you will see how a how a romantic couple was passionate and in love in the Bible.


There are 4 important and necessary elements needed in a marriage:
1. The Spiritual Need
2. Emotional Need
3. Physical Need
4. Boundaries - Which deal with respect for one another.

1. The Spiritual Need:
For both husband and wife to be ONE completely in God, they must both be born again Christians.

2 Corinthians 6:14-18
14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you. 18And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty By both being Christians, this makes them not only one in body but one in God Spiritually.

When both husband and wife live for the Lord, they can pray when they have problems, read the Bible on a daily basis, share together about the Lord.

What is really wonderful is, God gives the Christains a bond of love between them so they can communicate in the Spirit.

Spiritual food of the word is the foundation that a couple uses to base their marriage and family on.

In order to make a marriages to last a life-time the 'spiritual oneness' is very important between the couple.

When both spouses stay under the protection of the umbrella of God--you can resist any temptation and be victorious in your marriage in Jesus!

In order to please each other right in bed, you should be Christian and faithful in your love for one another.

And when your spiritual needs are met, your love will be more genuine when you spend that special time together in God.

Keeping peace is the best way to keep the marriage bed alive and in the Love that God intended it to have.

Praying together and reading a devotion each day can enrich your marriage bed.

Couples who walk in the Spirit, will be happy to please each other in the marriage bed and be satisfied--in Jesus and each other. AMEN

2. The Emotional:

Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day.

God wants marriage to be peaceful and for the couple to understand each other feelings, and to support one another emotionally.

There are specific emotional needs that must be met in order to keep a couple close to each other, and not cause each other to drift apart.

A lot of the times marriage gets sour, when  couples become selfish and demanding. This does not meet each others emotional needs.

Here are some pointers that improve your marriage relationship.

1. Staying in touch through communication, understanding each other well, being sensitive to how each other feels.

These simple steps can make each other happy and keep peace more without all the chaos. 

Being happy is a choice and when you are happy inside, you are more willing to care about the other spouses happiness.

2. One other point that helps your relationship is, encouraging each other and building each other up with assurance. Supporting each other in situations and decisions you make. Even if you do not agree. You can still support them and pray. This keeps peace. The important thing is to listen and come to a peaceful agreement.

3. Having a good talk with each other about your day keeps you in close touch, and keeps the communication lines opened between you both.

By neglecting to communicate each day, you can end up in your own little world and grow apart. So never think it's OK to stop communicating. Don't get lazy on each other AMEN!

4. If there is a problem or something is bothering you, stay calm when talking to your spouse, and try to cover the issues in a mature manner.

With a good positive  approach--it will avoid many arguments.

Attitude plays a big part in how marriage couples get along.  It's really good to keep calm emotions flowing.

If ever you need to talk and too upset, wait! Calm down first, then pick a time that is quiet--where you and your spouse can sit and discuss it calm and in a mature manner.

5.Peace is a must in your home...When problems arise, it's normal to have emotions inside, and you can have normal emotions that God gave to you without attacking the other person.

Try not to run on emotions to the point that you take it out on your spouse. Running on logic is better. Think things out before you react.

Try to control your emotions enough to let them know you are having a bad day, or 'one of those days'. This will help them understand your mood better (without wondering).  Then they can give you the space you need.

We all have trying days, and we do not have to mess up your family's day  day by losing it :) 

6. Being mature in God is the key! It keeps the marriage growing!

Always remember, we will always face challenges in marriage,and this is normal. God wants us to mature in ways that will bring peace in our house. AMEN!

Galations 6:2 Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

Proverbs 16:32 [He that is] slow to anger [is] better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

7. Prayer keeps your family close. By Supporting  each other in prayers (no matter what the circumstance) you build trust between each other and this will help you love and appreciate each other more. This helps you to  feel more secure in your marriage. Remember to always pray over what you face. Pray together.

Jame 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that you may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.


8. Always try to understand each other.
In Colossians verses 9 to 10 Paul prays for the Colossians that they will be "filled with the knowledge of [God's] will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God."

Job 32:8 But there is a spirit in man: and the inspiration of the Almighty giveth them understanding.

Being careful not purposely hurt one another. Trying not to offend each other helps show respect to one another. 

This keeps you from becoming too selfish. You never want to become that. This will rotten your relationship fast and take away from your spouse.

In Some ways you can hurt each other are: Sarcasm, rude (unnecessary) remarks, name calling, looking at the negative in your spouse, nagging, controlling, and selfish--to the point of only thinking of YOUR NEEDS.

Try to avoid those things,  and be careful  to respect each other as you both are your own person too.

9. Apologize if you make a mistake and correct yourself.

Always say you are sorry when you error, and try to solve problems before you go to bed so you will be happy and enjoy one another. Never go to bed with problems...

God put man and woman together and both are responsible how they treat this precious gift of marriage. :) What you do to each other you do to God...

Ephesians 4:6 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

Mark 11:25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

10. Don't let your pride run your marriage.

Avoid being selfish and too prideful to your spouse. Staying Considerate to each other--Always! Staying Humble in God.

When Satan raises up his head, it's ugly. So is a man or woman who becomes selfish or stands in pride becomes ugly.

Pride comes before a fall. and is not fair in a relationship.

There is always a way to work things out in consideration for each other without being selfish.

11.Compromise with each other.

There is always room for compromise in your situation. Adjusting the situations to meet both of your needs.

Dont be so concerned of who is right and wrong. Do what is best for you both to do. That is what God looks at. How we handle the problems--to work them out.

Those who worry about who is right or wrong is only being selfish and prideful. This is not the attitude of God--Just creates more problems.

12. Keep Your Marriage Bed Happy!

Believe me, how you treat each other will affect the marriage bed.

I am pointing out all the different things that can affect it emotionally...

Romans 12:16 [Be] of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

Phillipians 2:3 [Let] nothing [be done] through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

God wants your marriage to be close.

It is very important and keeps your marriage bed nice and happy. And to achieve this, You always have to keep your attitude right towards each other.

When you lose interest in each other, then the marriage will suffer.

So in order to have a good marriage bed, you need to get along, communicate good, have 'no secrets', and be honest with each other how you feel (in a nice way too)

Stay true to each other and never cheat, or go behind each other's backs.

If you get mad at each other about something,  or something that is happening that causes you both stress.

Take a walk and cool down by yourself, or do a hobbie to get your mind off of it. Then work it out when you both calm yourselves.

Try giving each other space for a few minutes until you cool down and then. meet again to talk it out calmly.

Try to understand those feelings when it seems uncomfortable to hear. If it is truth that ones speaks that makes the other mad, try to see the truth and do not deny it.

Try to improve in that fault that brings your relationship trouble. Face up to it and apologize and correct that problem. Things will work out better if you do.

If you fight the truth and rebel, you are only hurting yourself and your spouse. 

These points, will keep your marriage bed very loving.

Part of being intimate, is knowing your spouse through and through. Know their good points and yes, the bad points. And love them by focusing on the good ones, and forgive and overlook the bad points.

Just pray for them instead of condemning for the bad points.

Watch the moods of each other being sure to ask if everything is OK, and also at the same time--know when to give them space or time alone. Be undertanding in those cases too.

Listen with interest and well when your spouse speaks to you. Never get into the ignore or faze them out mode. This will create problems for your marriage bed.

Show you care with compassion--from the heart. And also, there are times you need space to think things over, and that is OK too. 

Never seem too busy to talk, stop what you are doing or make a time you can meet to talk about the things that need to be discussed. Take it seriously to listen.

Being there for each other is vital in marriage, being ready to assist or to help each other.

If one of you is just having a bad day, just be there to listen and let each other vent.

Sometimes this relieves much stress. And the one that had a bad day will appreciate your care to just be there.

This keeps the warmth in your marriage bed of appreciation!

Many who have a bad day don't want someone telling them what to do or trying to solve it, they just need an ear to hear. :)

Each spouse is responsible for keeping themselves happy, and to make sure they also keep the other happy.

God is watching you and ready to help you if you ask Him.

 

3. Physical Need:

That compassion you both felt before you got married, when you were dating, should be getting stronger not weaker as you grow in your marriage.

When you say your vows and become husband and wife. This is only the beginning of your responsibility to each other.

It is both your responsibility to please each other in your marriage bed.

Romance can continue throughout your marriage until you are old.  Just because you got married does not mean the fun is over.  It's only over if you allow it to be. Love and intimacy is a choice.

You can still date each other throughout your marriage. And the fun should get better and not stop. You both deserve it! :)

That physical touch, caress, and  the love you feel isbecause of the love for you feel towards each other.

Just jesters of love by putting your hand on the back of your wife if she is crying shows body language of compassion--that you care.

A smile and a hug and kiss hello, when your spouse comes in or out the door from coming or going somewhere means a lot. Everyone needs a physical touch of love.

In Hebrews 13:4 In the Amplified Bible it says, 4Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste [all guilty of sexual vice] and adulterous.

So this also means that what the husband and wife decide to do in their own bed in the enjoyment together is up to them and blessed by God because the marriage bed is undefiled.

Any act outside that marriage bed or with another person is sin.

So many say you can't do this, and can do that in the marriage bed. But it's up to the couple what they do in their own bed. No one can say for them what they do with their ONE bodies together.

God didn't make sex among the married to be dirty. He made it a beautiful bond between them. :)

To many Church people have their own opinions on this, and actually God knows he made sex for marriage to be a wonderful experience between a husband and wife.

There is no shame in it. So don't let anyone make you feel guilty for loving your husband or wife in different ways to please them. You are not sinning if you do.

Many set rules in many cultures what you can and can't do in your own marriage bed. But who is a person to say what you and your husband do in your marriage bed?

It's the business of the couple. For God blesses their love. God says for the man to please his wife and the wife to please her husband. So they do.

Society has many arguments and opinions but it's something a couple has to privately set for themselves. This is how God made it. For they are ONE.

Sin only comes in when the couple goes outside of their marriage. And what they do alone together is their bed, they establish in their marriage.

Marriage vows were sacred at the altar and promised with a vow and trust between the groom and the bride.

Just like God wants us ONFIRE for Him, he always wants the marriage bed to not lose it's fire of romance. Read Solomon, You can see plenty in that book of the Bible. :)

Since Jesus is the Bride of Christ, He never wants that relationship with the bride to become lukewarm or boring. He wants us ONFIRE for him.

We should never lose the zeal we have in Jesus--The same way in a marriage. We need to keep our relationships alive in God. AMEN Always loving and caring for each other and connected!

Keep the marriage beds fire burning with compassion and love.

If you read in Song of Solomon you will see some of the strongest romance ever written. Many people do not read this book much nor understand the reason behind this book.

Do you realize they have two times in this book that tells of love making? I am being honest about that book and it's a prime example how husband and wife should keep their physical desires alive and satisfied.

Once you read that book and really get to know it and understand what romance is, you will see the importance of meeting your spouses physical need.

Men who can't take the time to please his wife first,  before he wants his needs met, is unwise. Never leave her unsatisfied! Always please your wife. I know many men are not taught this.

Love is more than just a man getting it. It's a romance you share before the actual time you make love.

Read how Equal the bible states how the husband must please his wife, she owns your body as well. Not just the other way around.

God is love and keeps love UNIFIED and equal. Never favors anyone. All are ONE in His love. So it is with marriage partners.

To sincerely love your spouses.. It has to come from the heart, just as when you fell in love at the beginning.

If you feel you can teach your spouse something to make the marriage bed more exciting, then do it. As long as you both agree and it's not with someone outside the marriage. As long as it's only between you him/her.

And be sure to communicate in the ways you can help each other in the marriage bed. You want to make sure you are pleasing each other right.Allow each other to teach what you like.

It makes the spouse feel good when you can share with her/him.

To say nothing and only please yourself will not benefit to your romance. You must be sensitive to your spouses physical needs also.

Giving in this time together and caring, will bless both of you and make your love more enjoyable.

And men, I must tell you, sex is not just for you to be pleased. You must please your wife too, or you are being selfish. You cause your own marriage to be at risk when you forget about your wife's need.

When men become selfish thinking their needs are all that matter, you end up guilty of neglecting your wife's needs. And this is unscriptural. 

When you refuse to satisfy your wife, you are not obeying the word.

Sex takes both of you. It's not just about you.

The marriage bed is shared by two, the husband and the wife.

Ask her what you can do to please your wife and have her share with you.

This shows you care about her needs sincerely. She will open up to talk to you if you do that. If a man is just selfish, how can his wife talk to him?

Malachi 2:14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.

Both the spouses share a responsibility of loving each other for life. This means to be loyal and loving to each other in bed, always giving to one another, to focus on pleasing the other person, not just a focus on pleasing yourself.

So, when the man has desires for the marriage bed, he should care about her needs--and meet those needs. And when the woman has those desires, the husband should meet those needs also.

Since the marriage bed is blessed. God wants you both to be happy with your physical needs. For he made your bodies the way they are.

Sex should not just be an action, there should be love with it and romance for each other.

1 Corintians 7:1-5 Now concering the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power over her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power over his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with concent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

So you both have to respect that about each other. Focusing on pleasing the other.

God wants the marriage to be equal in the marriage bed and for the husband and wife to respect each other thoroughly.

Making sure you both do not wait too long, neglect each other except for the time you fast and pray.

Part of romance is not just making love. It's holding each other sitting on the couch, holding hands, showing affection in other ways too.

Greeting each other with a kiss, sharing how happy you are to see each other when you were apart during the day, calling each other and saying I love you.

All these things play a big part of how the marriage been will be affected. It actually sets the romance mood for you. When you are getting along, your love will ignite :)

If the marriage bed is the only time you see each other, and lacking those other fun times and close connections, and you are not affectionate any other time. Then you will not feel as close, and love making can become only a time of release, and that is all.

Then it can become boring. You want to prevent that from happening!

If you want a very romantic marriage bed and a happy one, you should show affection and love more than in bed.

Being in love starts during the day, by being caring and kind, and then at the end of the day it's topped off with romance in the marriage bed. This is how God designed. A true loving relationship.

Why do you think he said not to go to bed mad? That is why!

So you see the importance of being faithful to meet the physical needs in marriage. Don't treat your marriage bed like it's 'work' or a 'hastle to please the other'. This type of attitude is not love and seems selfish. Do it joyfully and with a loving spirit.

If you can, try to find ways to spend quality time together during the day, or go places together to enjoy one another--like on a date. It's important to care enough to make that time for yourselves. It builds a good foundation in your love. 

Build each other up in your marriage. If the love is not there during the day, how can you have love in the marriage bed?

Again, Never allow allow selfishness to rule your marriage. This can mess up your love life.

And spouses, if you are abusive and do not treat your spouse right, they will not be able to feel romance with you in the marriage bed, I guarantee this! You want to do all you can to please him/her and abuse is not one of them.

If you are abusive and or have anger issues, I highly suggest you go get counseling to overcome those problems, so your marriage will not be spoiled by them.

Abuse is not a way to treat your wife or husband for that matter. There is no love in abuse. Abuse is of the devil. Is not permitted by God and should not take place.

Men, if you have an abusive problem and your dad was abusive, seek counseling and overcome this. This can kill your marriage!

And many times men end up killing their wife or a woman kill her husband just because they didn't learn how to overcome or manage their anger right.


You want love to flow freely and with good feelings. Not bad ones.

If you really love your spouse you will nurture your love with romance and show how much you really honestly care about your spouse at all times.

Respect goes both ways in all of your marriage. So remember this. Treat your spouse how you want to be treated. :)

 

Think of this... What you do to your spouse in the ONENESS GOD GAVE YOU, you do to Him too. What affects your spouse affects God too. So be precious with the gift God made for both of you :)

If you are not happy with your relationship, you are surely not going to have a good marriage bed.

When you are  married, both spouses are both responsible to get on-track with your marriage, and see what is causing the problems and solve the problems between you both--not the whole family either! Keep it private! And work it out at home.

There is nothing worse that making love to someone you are mad at, or is mean to you. Hard to be sensual when their are problems.

So if you both are close and keep your love real and alive, you won't have to worry about anything polluting your relationship.

Attitude must be good, and respect in the relationship has to be there for both of you.

For as I said before in my other teaching, Abuse will kill the marriage bed.

And to be honest with you abuse is not good leadership, and is not love. Men who like to control and use abuse are not good men.

So you think it's OK to slap their wife?But you don't realize you are sinning in your heart by harming your wife and this makes God angry!

God is not happy with you and you will be accountable to God if you do that.

God will go against you in many ways if you do not respect and love your spouse.

He will not listen to you, or answer your prayers.

And the same with a woman. No abuse is allowed in God--in your marriage.




Men/women who do such things have no clue what God's love means, nor love in marriage, and they surely do not love their life.

People are so immature when they are abusive and need to grow up! Act like an adult like God made you to be!

It shows a sign of insecurity and childhood problems at home--maybe passed down. It does not make it right in the sight of God no matter how an abuser tries to justify it--they can't.

This of it this way men of sin! If you are abusive and you beat your wife a prophet... Read this

in I Chronicles 16:22 it says "Touch not my anointed, and do my prophets no harm."

In Proverbs 3:29 it says "Devise not evil against your neighbor, seeing he dwells securely by you."

This can mean your spouse too. :)

Men who abuse can't possibly love or please his wife. He is too busy wanting to be satisfied for himself. Too busy controlling her, and taking her freedom away. That right there is not of God!

One more scriptures I want the spouses to read too: Jesus said in Matthew 25:40 in the Living Translation "And the King will say, 'I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!'

He will use and abuse her. He hurts her on a daily bases. He needs to repent and admit he has mistreated her before they can ever have a loving relationship. 

Men, God gave women liberty too and freedom. Read these scriptures:
So this means, what you do to your spouse you do unto Jesus. That is exactly right and in hell you will go and be tormented for what you did to your spouse if you do not repent!

Galatians 5:13 For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another. 

2 Corin. 3:17
Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.

Romans 8:21 Because the creation itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.

This means for men and women! So there is no need for putting people through bondage of any kind when Jesus set us free! AMEN

Yes the marriage bed is affected in many ways. Good or bad. It's affected.

These are sensitive subjects that must be talked about because many people are not confronting these issues and finding solutions. They just live with it and become victims.






It's time to take a stand in the Lord to what is right!

Did you realize God does not want you to submit to sin? Abuse is a sin. Women need to wake up and see this.

When the Bible says to submit to one another or to submit it's talking about believers. Abusers are not believers because they are doing evil deeds.

To the victims, you don't have to submit to sin. Move away or go somewhere else and live if your spouse won't stop. Pray for them until they get real help. If not You don't have to feel it's good to be a victim.

Even Jesus fled when his life was in danger!Joseph and Mary fled also.

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To the victims, you don't have to submit to sin. Move away or go somewhere else and live if your spouse won't stop. Pray for them until they get real help. If not You don't have to feel it's good to be a victim.

Even Jesus fled when his life was in danger!Joseph and Mary fled also.

For the Godly couples who respect one another: Women and men are ordained to be a blessing in marriage and God wants you to have kindness and even nice surprises in your marriage beds.

Women, surprise your husband with something nice to wear for him at night time. It will spice up your love life.

And men, set the mood by cuddling on the couch in the evening and have fun. Don't forget to laugh and enjoy each other.

I do not say any of these things to try to sound bad or rude, only to share what is missing in marriages and many are not experiencing the full love they should in their Christian union.

As Christians, we should be full of the love of Jesus! AMEN. For Jesus is the head of our marriage and he does not want our marriages to be stagnant. He wants us to have good strong marriage of love.

If boredom has set in, this means one of you have stopped trying, or both, When you are not both giving to your marriage, and this is what will happen.

So you need to start giving again, and keep on giving to keep your fire of love ignited AMEN

If you  really honestly love each other, you will keep your relationship in the love of the Lord, you will keep drawing closer, and always working together find ways to forgive and love each other.

True love always grows stronger...

One of the biggest killers of a good marriage bed is not getting along.

If you are fighting and arguing and picking on each others faults a lot--stop it.

Let's obey the word of God on this. Read this below...

2 Timothy 2:23-26 23 Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. 24And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, 25correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, 26and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

Start finding good things about each other and complement each other. Focus on the good qualities about each other, and tell each other! This builds each other up again.

Get back to the love you have for each other and try to overcome arguing over silly things that will tear you apart. Much resentment and hate comes from fussing about arguing and not forgiving.

Much of these bad feelings has caused many marriages to error. Look at what happens..

The Bible says in James 4:1-4 1From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? 2Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. 3Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts. 4Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

Any couple who serves God and allow sin to come into their relationship is not of God. God forbid that we disrespect God by disrespecting our marriage blessed  by God! AMEN!

No man or woman can boast or blame their spouse if they cheat. They are totally guilty and should repent! Please get right with God.

If you sin against your marriage and do not repent, it will all come back on you!

When things get out of hand, repentance is needed and to make it right!

The Word goes onto say in James 4 verses 5-10 7Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. 9Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. 10Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

So in Christ, we need to be walking in the Spirit to have the love we need for our marriages. For our marriages are very sacred to God. The marriage bed deserves the best in God!

How can you meet each others emotional needs if you don’t talk?

And sometimes you can get into disagreements just to talk about your feelings and emotions. You have to allow each other to express their feelings, and emotions, even if they are sometimes come out bad.

Try not to take offense, yet be understand the way the spouse is feeling, you may see things in a different way. Everyone has times when emotions run high, and get upset. Stand by them and understand!

If you are both open and truly honest with how you feel and tell each other, then you can both understand and know how to meet each others needs.And there won't be a need to fight and fuss!

Being honest about all things is the best way to know each others feelings and needs.

If you keep it inside you will cause your spouse to not know you, and then through silence and not telling, the needs will not be met. Then, resentment starts, arguing, etc. This causes the problems to roll downhill.

So we can prevent this from happening by communicating. Lack of communication is one of the biggest killers of marriage.

Be ready to kiss and make up too, when you have a disagreement, and forgive.

We need to really learn how to love our spouses and God better!

Since abuse is really a problem in some relationships. I feel the need to talk about that a little more.

Men need to realize that in order for your wife to be in the mood in the marriage bed, He needs to love her more in the day-to-day situations.

He has to respect her and not treat her bad and belittle her. For the way he treats her will affect how she feels about the marriage bed.

Men stop treating your women dumb. They are a just as important to God as  you are! God gave you your wife as a gift. So respect her by treating her right. This respects God.

Jesus never has to belittle the bride so stop belittling your bride!

Many men or women were raised in abused homes and so they live the same way. But you can break these traditions by not carrying them on from generation to generation.

You can do this by living right by God and allowing God to renew your mind and transform you to a better and Godly person.

MEN: The marriage bed is NOT a submissive act room, Nor just a woman's DUTY for you.

Stop turning your marriage bed into   a nightmare or make your wife a victim or neglect her, pr this shows, you are not a man of God.

Your marriage bed will be a horrible experience for her. They won't enjoy you if you abuse  or neglect her, and how can they?

It is hurting God when you hurt your wife. What you do to her you do to God. So remember this!--I have warned you, so you are without excuse!

Sometimes men and women leave their marriage and become unfaithful because, their spouse is abusive or too mean and demanding and are not loving their spouse right.

Not saying they are right in handling it that way.

If an abusive husband not going to change, and the wife does not find happiness in him anymore, the husband's actions are causing a stumbling block in the marriage!

It is causing her to fall. So you Must be responsible for your love and marriage bed. The spouse that sins can cause the other to fall.

So what you do can affect your spouse. So if you live right by God you will not be cheating or abusing or sinning, right?

Men affect their marriages in many ways... Because they let the term "HEAD OF THE HOUSE" go to their heads, they think they can treat their wives and children bad. It becomes evil to your family and to God.

Being the head of household has many responsibilities. One of the main things men need to remember is--to lead their wife and family in:

1. the Spirit

2. In Love.

God will hold you to this responsibility.

Men have to really learn love from their wife. If they are not growing with their wife, how can she be ONE with him?

If he mistreats her, she will not feel loved by him, and will feel discouraged in her marriage with no hope.

God forbid that a man would blame his wife for leaving when he has NOT done his part to love her. And you can't threaten her life in the site of God!

Men need to be more accountable in their responsibility to really love their wives! AMEN

Want a happy marriage bed and wife? Love her! That simple!

If you can't see that your spouse is part of you-- why did you get married?

We must pay more attention to the Bible and read it all. Otherwise people will be left to their own theories, cultures and devices that hurt and destroy our marriage beds. AMEN

Men who are too serious and too hard on their woman can lose them. Lighten up, and enjoy your wife. Don't be a serious 'no fun' husband. Enjoy your family and laugh.

Jesus didn't treat people in a cold hard way. He was loving and gentle!

Many men need to learn to be humble and kind to their wives--they actually get rid of the pride--if you want to be respected by all!

If you  will humble yourself to God and your family--God will bless your life and you will be happier and your family too! Be the example to your family first and then to others.

Pride comes before a fall and too many men think leading is to be a lean mean fighting machine, :) But honestly, this is not what God wants in leadership.

When you have a good marriage, you will focus on Godly things and not allow sin to come in and pollute your marriage in anyway. You will treasure your marriage and love each other so much!

As the body of Christ, we should be able to talk about these issues because God wants us to live right with him AMEN It's time the body of Christ talks about this.

So keep the love alive, your marriage pure in God, your marriage bed holy! AMEN This will keep you close to God and close to each other.

Boundaries:

What you you mean boundaries? What does boundaries have to do with marriage?

Boundaries is a line you set for you, of what is allowed by you. A moral rule you set for yourself to be, and feel safe. It's a chance for you to speak your own mind, and let people know what you allow and should be respected.

Boundaries are used (not to shove people out of your life) when you set limitations for yourself that you want respected. Your own moral likes and dislikes.

Just like when you boundaries for your children and let them know the rules of what you expect from them and allow them to do.

We all have boundaries that we feel in our lives daily with other people. Even for our spouses, so they will respect us. And both spouses should have them. Both spouses should respect each others boundaries they set.

Jesus set boundaries too. He told the money changers they were not allow to buy and sell in the house of God. He set a boundary loud and clear.

There are good reasons and purposes in boundaries. And many times when you let someone know your 'yes' and 'no' on your boundary, they may get mad, or not like them. That is OK. They will have to adjust AMEN! Your boundary still needs to be respected by them AMEN!

Think about it, what better marriage can you have than for the husband and wife to be clear on their likes and dislikes so they can find the best ways to respect those boundaries? It's good and healthy to have them.

Part of using boundaries is to say "Yes" when you really feel and mean "Yes", and NO when you really mean and feel "No."

When you set boundaries, you must be consistent with the boundaries you set, that they will be known and heeded.

If a friend does not respect your feelings of something you do not like, you can remove yourself from their presence or tell them that if they can't respect your feelings, you have to ask them to come back when they can respect you.

You have every right to say 'yes' or 'no' for what is safe and right for yourself in God.

Example: If you do not allow smoking in your house, and you let someone know, and they smoke anyway, you must ask them to leave until they can respect your house rule of not smoking in it, because you do not like it and allow it.

We all have things we morally do not allow people to do around us, and to us. And we have a right to let people know about how we feel about it. That is our moral obligation to God.

The convictions of the soul and what makes us feel safe in ourselves and in God.

Just as Christians, we have boundaries set by God, of what we should and should not do. This keeps us safe in the right relationship with God. We need to have them in our relationships too.

For women, the Bible says to submit yourselves to your husbands in everything (speaking of Christian husbands) and it is not talking about being submissive to other men, only your husband.

Just because you submit to your husband's life, does not mean you submit to abuse or sin.

So you never have to say 'yes' in allowing them to sin, instead you can say "no". Because you also have an obligation to live right by God and moral values to Jesus.

We submit to God and our husbands in a Godly way, and not in sin.

You don't have to bow down to a man who wants to mistreat you.

The Bible is speaking of Godly submiting to Godly things.

Eph. 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

To take good care of your husband 'Yes' you submit that way. And to please him Yes. But to sin or steal for him, you can refuse. Anything ungodly things, you can turn down in the Lord.

When God says submit, it's dealing with a Godly relationship and Godly ways of life.

So we use common sense and good judgment in what we do before God. This is why we can set our boundaries in the Lord with each other, to be respected.

When it comes to a Christian marriage--a woman does not have to feel like a pitiful slave, belittled, by a bully husband.

If he is dominate because of his pride and is mean, or tries to makes you into a victim. That is not Godly Behavior. And you may need to find other ways to deal with that situation.

If you and your husband set boundaries when you first get married, then there will be no misunderstanding between both of you on the boundaries you set and things will be less-likely to get out of hand.

Every woman should be respected, because Sometimes evil mens ideas and ways are not good.

And evil does not mix with Godly, so think twice before you get married to a man and make sure he is a Christian in the first place. AMEN A respectable one.

Part of setting boundaries for yourself is to be wise in the type of person you pick to marry.

See if they will respect your boundaries you set before marrying them.

You can tell if they will respect you if you get to know their ways.

You want to marry a good Godly person, right? So when you know their good and bad ways, you will be able to determine if they are good for you.

I am not saying a man is not right in the Lord , I am saying that sometimes men have dominating problems, and try to rule the house with a fist.

You don't have to tolerate that sin. Jesus hates this type of sin.

Jesus wants men and women to act gentle, kind, humble and if a man is mean, he is acting evil. Just pray for him if you are married to a man like that. God will deal with him too!

I feel bad for the women who are in these situations and stuck with an ungodly man.

When you set boundaries when you are first dating and tell the man/woman what you allow and do not allow,  and that if he plans to marry you. He will be very clear on them and will respect them.

Start then. Tell him you will not tolerate abuse of any kind. That you expect to be treated with respect as you would respect him/her. AMEN

Once this is understood at the beginning, it sets a better foundation for respect. Both of you can share your boundaries and how you both feel too and you can see if you are both the same in your convictions.

This keeps the marriage bed happy!

For women: Setting boundaries can save your life, and also prevent you from being a victim of abuse. So make sure you pick the right man before you get married so you will not have to be in this situation.

But if you are.... Setting a boundary for you, is for you to speak truth to your husband.

Don't hide your feelings from him. You need to let him know what you will not tolerate and mean it.

Remove yourself from your home if he is abusive and tell him you will come home when he acts nicer and not like that anymore. That you will pray for him.

If a man is in this situation with his wife he should do the same. This is the only way you will be heard and respected.

You can't make your spouse change. And you set the boundary for YOU to be safe, then you can see if they take you serious or not.

If they threaten, harm, your life, go to the police and do the necessary things to protect yourself.

Jesus parents fled when their lives were threatened by King Herod. So we must remove ourselves when ours is too.

If your husband that is supposed to love and protect you is threatening to kill. or hurt you, Flee and go home to your parents and get your kids out of this situation or someone can be hurt or killed.

Do not allow anyone to control your life so much to harm you.

Does not mean you need to get a divorce. You can try to work things out while apart.

YOU CAN SAY 'NO' BY LEAVING...

And if you can't speak to your husband because he abuses you, and cheats on you, and commits sin against you this way, this gives you the right to end the marriage by divorce--according to scripture.

Most brutal men cheat and this should never  be tolerated in marriage! Even Jesus said you can divorce because of fornication.

Once the vows are broken in marriage, by adultery, it destroys the ONENESS in your marriage. And brutal abusive (most of the time) will not change.

Women, remember you can't change a man, he can only change himself. So don't think by staying with him that you will change him.

Only God can change a man. AMEN

If he repents and humbles himself and changes his way, you can also choose to forgive him. Only if he means it.

Just as a person can backslide from God--people can backslide in their marriage. Some never were in love in the first place.

So it's very imporatant to take the time to get to know who you are marrying before you take just anyone for a spouse, for this is what happens if you allow yourself to have a relationship with a dominating man-- because you can end up in a bad marriage like this.

Don't be gullible by a sweet talk of a man.

I mean it's nice if they are sweet and respectful. More than anything see how they act in their every day life and how they handle problems and people. This will tell you how this man really is. AMEN!

A Godly man will be acting responsible and respectful with all people and handle life well. He will be honest, respectful, humble and kind.  He will also be consistent in his walk with God.

A brutal man wills sweet talk you and do things behind your back, will not treat others with respect. He will show his true personality and you will be able to see it before you get married. So look closely.

Some cultures actually believe that you HAVE TO put up with abuse in marriage, and stay with the spouse. I differ on this issue in God.

Who wants to be married to Satan? Abuse should never be tolerated of any kind.

Psalm 15:2
He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart.

Jesus set boundaries with the scribes and pharisees too, and called them a hypocrite. They were so into money and the law that they knew nothing about walking in the Spirit of God.He didn't tolerate sin or bad things.

Women have just as much rights to say NO in the Lord too like Jesus did. And so does the husband who has a wicked wife.

God made you ONE. and if one of you is sinning, it's affecting your marriage bed in a bad way. And evil CAN'T be justified as good! NO WAY...

So that the house of God would be place of prayer and be respected. So should your house be holy and in your marriage. AMEN

When it gets impossible to have a good marriage, and things have gotten out of hand, and hard to deal with, this is when spouses need have a good talk or get good Godly counsel. Both have to be willing to work on their marriage together to improve it, or it is not going to change. AMEN

All of these problems will definitely spoil your marriage bed. And this is not what we want to happen in our marriages. AMEN

More About Boundaries:

There are psychological boundaries around each individual in a relationship. These individual boundaries have to do with self-determination and self-respect. They define each partner's right to keep some part of themselves separate from the relationship (to not let it define them utterly), and also to expect that their partner will treat them with respect.

When these individual boundaries are intact and in place, the partners feel respected and cared for and not taken for granted. When they are broken by disrespectful actions (such as when one partner abuses the other, or makes unilateral decisions) they end up feeling abused.

Psalm 37:30
The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.

Boundaries are also a verbal sign to you and your spouse--where you can be open with each other, and tell each other your true feelings--always.

So, respect will always be shown with love. This way you can make the other person feel safe with you, and you can be assured also to feel safe with them too. Both showing utmost love and security for the marriage.

In today's society, couples need to learn this because, they go into marriage not knowing what they are doing--making many big mistakes and they don't take the time to talk about everything.

They realize they never knew their spouse that well until they lived with them AMEN

If you do not set boundaries in your life, and in your marriage--this allows people to walk all over you and take you for granted.

God gave us each a mouth to be able to communicate our feelings with. So we need to use it in the right way AMEN

And when you set boundaries, you do not use them to be mean, rude, aggressive, or sarcastic.

You should always use boundaries with maturity and assertiveness. In a calm way make your ways known. AMEN

Galatians 5:1 Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

Psalm 45:1 My heart is inditing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.

So you can also be free to be 'you' just the way God is molding you and made you! You can stand fast in Him. Being free to be YOU. Not living in any kind of bondage.

We don't walk with a yoke on us in the Lord. We walk with freedom and liberty. AMEN No man or woman should be a burden or hardship on each other. AMEN

With boundaries you are in charge of your own life in the Lord. You have freedom of speech, in the wisdom of God, to say how you feel without feeling guilty.

I am not speaking of bad talk. I am speaking respectable conversations of your feelings, and of things that make you feel safe and your right to say "yes" or "no"--without being afraid to.

A true "yes" and a true "no" is made clear to other people. And it makes you feel better when you can express your feeling when you say it outwardly to be understood. AMEN

If you say "yes" or "no" because you are expected to, and don't really mean it, or just to please another, you are not being honest with God, or yourself--or the person you are speaking to. So let's keep it real and honest! Say what you mean!

Thus, you an be taken for granted and end up a very unhappy person. Honesty works out best for us in every situation. AMEN

Isaiah 33:15
He that walketh righteously, and speaketh uprightly; he that despiseth the gain of oppressions, that shaketh his hands from holding of bribes, that stoppeth his ears from hearing of blood, and shutteth his eyes from seeing evil;

Jesus had much compassion for the world and he also was very straightforward about his feelings, the things he liked and didn't like. He didn't hide his feelings.

Proverbs 27:5 Open rebuke is better than secret love.

As Christians, we need to be very open about what we feel too. And as we say how we really feel.

God helps us through any situation. He shows you what to say and helps work that situation out.

People may not always like this, and you have that right to feel the way you do. It's up to them how they react too. :) But don't be afraid of their reaction if they can't respect your boundary.

If they have a bad attitude (only because you share your feelings), let them stand with their own bad attitude--you don't have to worry about their bad attitude.

Focus on your own attitude and keep it good in the Lord. Do not let other attitude affect your own. AMEN Let God deal with them on that. AMEN

Jesus was spoken against by people who had bad attitude about what he shared also.

when Jesus spoke about God and the ways of the Kingdom. They didn't like his boundaries he shared, and the truth he spoke.

He always spoke truth. Not to hurt anyone--He spoke truth so they could be set free!

God never leads us to evil, and tries show us about what happens in life--in the Bible. Sets boundaries and shows us right and wrong ways. It helps us see the light of living right--so we can walk in God's ways and use more common sense in God.

So no evil person can justify sin in their marriage and think they can get away with being that way. So listen to God.

There is a way you can say how you feel about things in a nice way and get your point across. Calm and assertive.

Being assertive is speaking to someone in a kind way and calmly about how you feel. And don't be afraid to speak.

Proverbs 15:1 says, A soft answer turns away wrath: but grievious words stir up anger.

Boundaries stop unnecessary circumstances and problems from starting. Setting boundaries means you are being honest with yourself.

Doing what is right and speaking it. What you feel God would want you to do. Not what others want you to do.

For God has to run your life by the leading of the Holy Ghost, and you need that freedom in your Christian life.

This it's so vital in marriage and starts a foundation of understanding and both parties can agree on--before getting married, especially when they get to know each other well before they say "I DO"

It’s OK to say ‘No’ if you really mean NO. You should NOT say "Yes" when you mean NO.

Many people do not say "No" when they really need to, because they worry about hurting someone’s feelings.

Then, they withdrawal--not tell their true feelings. Then, they get themselves in a situation they don't want to be in.

They can’t talk and are limited and can’t get anywhere, because they are bound with no freedom of speech.

I didn't used to set boundaries, and I ended up living for others, and didn't even have a life of my own.

I love giving -- I had no identity of my own. I said "yes" to everything, even things I shouldn't say 'yes' to. I was frustrated inside and it caused me many troubles.

As soon as I learned boundary setting, it changed my life and set me free in the Lord and I can speak how I feel without guilt. AMEN.

For those who want to learn about boundaries you can get the book BOUNDARIES-MARRIAGE at the library in the USA, or at your book store. Here is a link that you can see to bet that book.

God does not want you trapped! God wants you to be able to be free to speak how you feel inside.

Some people do not likes boundaries, and don't care to respect you. You still should do what you feel God speaks in your heart.

Sometimes NO is not a pleasant experience for others when we say it. Yet, it's for our own good! AMEN

We are only responsible how we act and do things not how others act when we say NO. They have their own choices and life. So don't let their reactions affect us.

Do as God shows you to do, in the love of the Lord. Then you will be going in the right direction. God is with you and will lead you to say the right things.

To organize yourself better, to help others respect you, to help get your feelings out, and for you to feel safe.

Each person sets a boundary of their own convictions for their life. Each of us has to respect that too.

There are just some things we all can and can't tolerate and we have to be honest enough to be able to be free to talk about them.

Getting a good view of how to respect each other, not allowing people to control you.

Take control of your own life in the Lord. Let God be the one in control of your life! AMEN!

Mutual respect and love brings better teamwork as a couple. With all out in the open--good communications.

With Love flowing, and God moving, you will have less problems that will affect your marriage bed. And it makes the Marriage bed a happy one!

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