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Making The Marriage Bed A Happy One Part 2

By Apostle Cathryn Ndyabagye

Love Each Other Right:
When we put our priorities the way it should be in marriage--by loving each other in God, Then, we set a good healthy Godly foundation for our family.

This is how God made it, and the order he gave it. God, you, and your spouse together as ONE.

Having a loving and honoring spirit towards your wife and husband, makes a Godly spirit for your home.

When you shine with Love in the Spirit, you shine in God. AMEN

Love is not going to be a selfish act in your life, if you have love and a giving spirit to serve one another. :)

Sure, there will be disagreements sometimes. And there is a way to find a peaceful solution. God allows you to be tested and to grow together in challenges. 

And you know what? They are good for you to go through. Helps you improve your character and mature better. helps you to grow up! :)

When you learn the skill of keeping an opened mind and Oneness in marriage, being best friends and always supporting one another,  you can actually cut back on many senseless arguments, which can damper your marriage bed.

You cant stop them all, yet, you can cut back on a big percentage of them :)

2 Corinthians 4:6 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (King James Version) 4Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

There is nothing more wonderful than to find maturity and happiness in your marriage. Having a strong trust and love between you and your spouse.

Seem impossible? It's very possible to be more positive with each other and closer!

Maybe the wife has a problem how you handle her, and it makes her her feel uncomfortable.

If you realize that women are emotional beings, and this is how God made them. Don't resent the lady for this.

Learn to understand her better.That is your duty as her husband and this shows you watch over her enough to care about how she feels. :)

You can crush her spirit and make her not happy, by not caring or ignoring her. Not taking her seriously when she needs you, This can affect your love in the marriage bed.

You can always resolve this by having her tell you what is bothering her. Be opened minded to understand and correct yourself if it's something you are doing. :)

Be teachable too and willing to learn. Men can learn from their wife too. Just as your wife learns from her husband. It goes both ways in marriage.

It takes both of you giving, pleasing, and trying--together.

The husband also needs to be willing to communicate his feelings too in a loving way

No need to throw in the towel on your marriage. It's all to help you grow together AMEN!

Husbands, I know you  want your wife to be happy. This is the key to a better relationship in bed. Find a way to achieve that.

If you know your wife well, and know what she does not like and what she likes. Try to work on yourself in what she does not like. Correct those points. This will help her see your effort in trying to improve yourself.

Women, you need to also work on yourself and your faults too, and try to correct them to make your husband happy also.

Women tend to nag too much or play mama to the husband. It should be that you take one thing at a time.

Since a man runs on logic, they deal with one problem at a time. they are not like most women who multitask their lives.

Women are more detailed and men plan the future. It takes a lot of thinking for a man to make a decision that works best.

So women, don't throw too much at a time to your husband. Take it one thing at a time and be nice about it. AMEN!

Working always to keep the marriage fresh, growing always and do not allow bad habits to start

Job 22:28 Thou shalt also decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee: and the light shall shine upon thy ways.

Psalm 25:4 Shew me thy ways, O LORD; teach me thy paths.

Love is something you learn from each other and have to work at and will grow deeper and wider if you work on that together.

Never give up when problems arise. In the marriage bed, there are always times of changes, and that is when you talk and keep learning more.

COMMUNICATE... The key to solutions! If you stay faithful and patient, you will find the ways and they will all work out.

Try to come up with ideas that will help each other. Suggest, and then try to find them. Between the two of you, problems can be solved. :)

If you are not say anything, and it builds up inside of you, and then you end up robbing your spouse of a solution that you could work out together. 

This is why I encourage you to talk together and do it joyfully too, and with an opened mind. Not harsh and mean.

Avoid sarcasm and smart mean remarks. Stop picking on each other in a negative way. If you say you love each other, act like it AMEN!

Col. 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Proverbs 21:9 

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

I have counseled many couples, and I have actually heard them say that they wanted to find someone else, because their spouse was not interested in them, or not even trying anymore.

What they didn't realize is, sometimes they were doing, was making their spouse uncomfortable, and they were not talking it out to, work it out.

Once they did, they got back on track again. There are many things that happen in marriage that are simple to solve.

Our attitude and conclusions in our mind can sometimes be bigger and negative. This can get in the way of solving problems.

We have to have a positive mindset and try to find positive solutions to give each other hope and to grow in.

When we love each other, we try to always look at the good, and overlook some of the faults.

And, when the faults are causing us to stumble, we should kindly talk about it--yes, say something. And see what we can do to improve that situation.

When you believe in each other, it keeps you close and secure together. AMEN

Being positive with each other keeps you confident and secure in the relationship.

Aging women in the marriage bed... Sometimes when couples age, the woman needs assistance. Sometimes things get dry during sex for them.   You can go to the pharmacy for help in that. They have gels that can help solve that problem. I know some would think, WOW why is she being so personal?

I am medical assistant, so I can talk about this in a medical way. They have lubricants for the women when they are older. Women go through of hormonal changes, this can dry them down there.

Some men are not knowledgeable about this and the women are so misunderstood. It's time that we teach so people can understand better. Why throw a good marriage away. :)

So, this is a good way to help her. Just to enlighten this issue will help many marriages!

I helped a couple realize that it was simple to solve, and now they are fine. Praise God!

Whenever you face some medical issues, or sexual problems, be sure to talk them over with your family doctor. Many are happy to advise you and help you with them. Remember, your doctor knows what to do. :)

Trust Should Not Be Broken:
NEVER NEVER NEVER, allow yourself to get involved with another woman or man, and  or cheat on spouse!

Never allow yourself to break your vows in adultery. If you are dissatisfied, get counseling! Don't walk out, and find someone else.

Marriage is not like shopping at a supermarket where you can take back an item or trade it in. So don't treat your marriage that way.

God never allows you to replace your spouse in cheating. This is not acceptable.

Proverbs 6:32 But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.

When people are married and talk like cheating is OK, and the spouse just has to DEAL WITH IT,  it shows me that the cheater is very selfish, starting to slip away from God and the faith. This is not making God happy at all nor the spouse.

Remember the scripture that when you are single you please God. But when you are married you not only please God. You please your spouse also.

So you are locked into ONE with God when you are married as ONE with your spouse. So what you do to your spouse, you do to God. You are accountable!

Jeremiah 29:23 Because they have committed villany in Israel, and have committed adultery with their neighbours' wives, and have spoken lying words in my name, which I have not commanded them; even I know, and am a witness, saith the LORD.

If you have messed up this way, repent and ask forgiveness and make it right with your spouse. Be tested for diseases too to protect your spouse.

Trust God and live right before Him and be true to your spouse and God will help you.

Those who don't try, who give up on their marriages are not devoted, or not in love with their spouse. They were self driven...

The harder the man tries to work out the marriage situation, the more devoted he shows himself to be to his wife. And she really appreciates that in him and shows more respect to him.

I find many problems stem from not spending quality time together.

Couples really need some fun leisure time of getting away from the normal work and go home routine. You need enjoyment time too...

Going out for dinner, seeing a movie, walking in the park and having fun together without the kids.

And don't forget to have a good time and laugh sometimes. :)

Have the house girl (babysitter) watch the kids, or a friend. As you spend time with your spouse like you did when you dated you will enrich your relationship afresh.

Dating is so important throughout your marriage. This puts the spark back into the marriage.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.

People get so busy with their jobs, and holding meetings, and traveling, that they don't remember to set time aside for their spouse.

Working is good and you also need that special time together too--to keep bonding. AMEN

I am not talking about the bed here, I am talking about having fun with your spouse so you can laugh.

Go play soccer, or have fun at the lake or beach. Think of what you did when you first met. You can do those things again :)

There are so many parts to enjoying your spouse, and the bed is only part of it.

When you have fun together and enjoy life, then your marriage bed is so very nice to come home to.

Marriage is not just about sex. Marriage has many faucets of love and growing. When you establish your home in the other ways, this enriches the marriage bed with your friendship and closeness.

Not meaning sex is not good or important--just meaning that in order to have a good marriage bed, you must establish the rest of your marriage in the other areas to keep it happy so that the bed will be great!

Women can't do all the giving, it has to be both so men, you still need to participate in the giving too. Otherwise, the men will make the woman unloved or neglected.

Women want more than just the bed. They want a life and happiness with their husbands.

They want to feel emotionally supported, affectionate, share your thoughts, dreams, and feel a part of your every day life.





Men like to be trusted, appreciated and honored.
And to achieve that, he must lead his wife in love.

Since women are emotional, men have to consider her feelings too.

Husband's can be more affectionate. It should not disappear just because you got married!

When you do share your marriage bed with your wife, you can't rush and then it's over.

Take your time and spend time together. Romance awhile. I am trying to say this so that it's not inappropriate. :)

It's just that I want to see couples really enjoy their marriage fully.

Remember to say I LOVE YOU each day to each other too. :)

Proverbs 5:18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.

Men let me give you a tip to help you... If more men would show their wife more appreciation, by buying their wife flowers, a card, or a nice gift, and give her compliments from his heart, make time for her, make her feel like your Queen, and love her. You will see her get closer to you. She will be so happy to do all to please you.

This is fact and works! Being a stubborn man and bullheaded does not win your wife. Love does!

Look at her when she talks to you.

Listen and care about her, Never stop giving!

You will never lack when it comes her loving you back.

This also gets the women in the mood and makes her feel like loving you more. :)

Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

A woman should love her husband, tell him you appreciate him listen to him, trust him, fix his favorite foods, dress up and look nice for him, laugh with him, and enjoy his company. Bring joy into his life!

This also makes the man feel appreciated, and when a lady is happy and joyous, this makes him more attracted to her. It even helps him to be happier too.

It makes the man hurry to come home when he has a happy wife!

Men can't handle nagging and complaining all the time--wives who are always upset and mad.

So women, be nice and sweet to your man. And be happy!

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

People are so serious today from stress, working, the hustle and bustle of life, from bad news on the media etc.

They forget to laugh and enjoy life. Stop and smell the roses, or find something to enjoy.

Laughter is the best medicine for your marriage.

Let me ask you. Do you and your spouse laugh often? If not, your relationship is too serious.

Psalm 126:2 Then was our mouth filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing: then said they among the heathen, The LORD hath done great things for them.

Laughing should be a daily habit. Spouses should laugh more together. Life is too short to be too serious all the time.

I know that there is a time to be serious and a time to have fun. That is very understandable.

Always make time to laugh. Share a joke or share something funny.

It's a known fact that Children laugh 300 times a day, and adults are known to laugh only about 7 times a day.

And if Jesus said we are supposed to be more like children, then we better be laughing!

God made us to be able to laugh so what are you waiting for? :)

Understand Your Differences:

Men are visual and logical, and women are emotional and affectionate.

Men see the circumstances and reason things out logically by what they see.

Men see goals and the future of those goals.

Women see detail and all that needs to be done currently.

God makes us perfect in all these cases to help each other!

Women see things with feelings and emotions, she cares about the emotional feelings of people, & how others are affected by situations.

These are real differences in the sexes, and they are respected because God made each one for a specific purpose and reason.

God wanted balance in parenthood, and in our families. That is why he set such a perfect order in his creation. 

He made us so unique in these ways. He surely didn't want you BUTTING HEADS together. 'No!', he made you just the ways you are so that you can learn and grow, together and help each other in joy.

The two different types of combinations of male and female, makes the children balanced.

Psalm 139:14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

He made men to be stronger in thinking, but he never meant for men to go overboard trying to be so tough--too strong in discipline...

Some over do that and become abusive. Let up some men!

You can discipline and be more gentle--Jesus was!

God wants a  Godly balance in manhood. He does not want a proud look, or lying tongue in a man, for God hates that.

So God is not in need of a GI Joe man, to be Mr. Macho to his wife.

He wants an ordinary responsible man who can show love and not be afraid to be a real man to his wife--in love and to the children too.

How can your wife and kids be close to you and learn from you if you are mean to them?

He wants a man who fears God, who listens to Him, follows His Word, truly loves his family with a caring and compassionate heart, and supports them. A humble man of God!

One who lays his life down for his family. Yes like Jesus!

Women are detailed in projects and current things, and men have visions and plans for future, like setting goals and trying to reach them.

Men are disciplinary, while the women are the concerned caring and nurturing. So each is unique and needed.

Women tend to let their kids get away with too much and the men sometimes tend to be too hard on the kids.

Both can work on balancing love and discipline so it's not so hard or loose. But just right. :) BALANCE...

We all have our strong points in how God made us, and together these qualities can help the family to blend.

Since we all have these qualities we are also responsible in how to use them wisely in helping our families and not hurting them.

Like discipline. It's OK to discipline your children as long as you don't end up abusing and mistreating them. So there has to be a balance in that.

Boundaries are the best way to teach your kids.
Boundaries let your kids know what you expect from them.
Not to hurt them, and to help them learn.

When you combine your talents, and use them to help each other at home, you will be more affective in your work, and ministry.

The Bible says:

1 Timothy 3:5 but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?

When you are emotionally healthy at home, the world can see it.

If you are suffering and not getting your emotions met, your home can get quite unhappy. And the world sees you! So does God.

So let's do our part to make our house and home a blessed place for God so we can excel in ministry and be affective in being better examples for the world.

Psalm 90:17 And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands establish thou it.

Compliment each other, and Look At The Good Things:

The best way to keep each other happy is to find ways to compliment each other. Find ways to say nice things about each other.

Use manners and do not be rude. Get rid of negative sarcastic remarks.

Those start a lot of fights in marriages. Try to always talk to each other as respecting each other. This will stop the sarcasm. 

Start replacing your rude remarks, with nice words and loving statements.

Build your respect for one another by focusing on the good points instead of the bad ones.

The only time you don’t overlook a bad, is when it’s a real problem that will hurt the marriage. Then, you have to deal with how to solve it.

You must confront problems with love, in order to successfully solve them.

Always be willing to pray, forgive, and letting it go when it's corrected. Move on, and forget about it.

If the problem is not solved and you can't quite work things out, then you need further counseling.

Make sure the person counseling you is not making things harder on your relationship.

Someone who loves you both and is not bias and keeps the middle ground in the wisdom of God. And doesn't  share your problems with others!

Men, are you stopping your wife from being who God made her to be, stopping her from achieving her goals. Are you putting her down too much?

Many men have problems being too controlling or possessive of their wives.

How to correct this.

Possessive means:
Demanding someone's total attention and love.

Controlling husbands:

Are you married to a controlling person?
controlling husbands try to control every aspect of their lives, and they're headed for divorce if their spouses don't stop their controlling ways.

Take a Quiz to see what type of controller you are...
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Some people go overboard in these feelings and accuse their spouse out of imagination, or hover over their spouse, and become possessive.

Not allowing the wife to make her own decisions and set her own goals for her work, life, and ministry.

Men need to understand that some of these behaviors are unacceptable to God and to their wife..

What is possessive? says,

1. jealously opposed to the personal independence of, or to any influence other than one's own upon, a child, spouse, etc.

2. desirous of possessing, especially excessively so: Young children are so possessive they will not allow others to play with their toys; a possessive lover.
3. of or pertaining to possession or ownership.
So we can become too possessive of each other in the way of: blocking our freedom, or stopping each other from achieving our own goals
We must be so careful to always make way for freedom to rule in our homes.


 The women continue accepting to live a torturous life, or to live in a miserable marriage, or goes to live with relatives.

Are you possessive and have problems controlling your spouse? Do you want to correct it?

If a man is very insecure in himself, he could be controlling in his wife's life.

If a man/woman has messed up, repent to God and correct  your ways. Pray with your spouse and forgive--God can heal the hurts. :) 

Get counseling though if abuse is involved, to help you overcome being that way! VERY IMPORTANT! You don't want things to repeat!

Men need to look inside to see what he can do about it, even if it means getting counseling.

You have to change or you will destroy your home! It's not of God!

If you feel secure in your marriage, you will not go overboard with controlling, possessive, and be obsessive.

Some men in Africa threaten their wives and they beat, if she wants to leave him--they threaten to kill her.

This is an example of what I am speaking about of being overboard.

And when a spouse moves away from their spouse, it’s because there is a problem.

The men that were left should be asking what is it I am doing wrong?

How can I correct myself.

The abuser needs to repent and correct his/her ways. The abuser needs help.

If the abuser is not willing to change the wife and children have every right to leave. They don't need your abuse anymore!

God sees it all and understands it's wrong and men are going to be accountable for this.

It shows a mutual respect to both spouses when problems are corrected.

Unfortunately men sometimes have a hard time admitting their faults, and therefore, they refuse to set their pride down, and admit their wrongs, and problems go unsolved.

Women have a right how they want their children raised. Nobody needs chaos in a home.

Nobody wants to raise their kids around an abusive environment. Who has to?

God understands this too. He does not want problems like this in the marriage.

Remember how you fell in love? 

Keep that love always! Keep the fires burning. Stay balanced in God and each other and you will do fine :)

Job 31:6 Let me be weighed in an even balance that God may know mine integrity.

A Thought:

We crave intimacy from God and spouses. This is a fact. 

We share feelings and fulfill each others needs. This is a normal in marriage.

REMEMBER LADIES: When men are stressed, many times they need sex.

REMEMBER MEN: When a woman is stressed, she can’t have sex until she is relaxed or gets unstressed. 

So you see what men and women need to think about and how to better their relationship.

God wants you to have a great love life. This is why all your marriage should be dealt with in a good way, so that you and your spouse will be fulfilled the way God planned it.

Too many women play head games with their husbands, in order to get their way, they withhold sex from them at times.

This is evil and wrong. Women you need to stop using a man for material gain. You must really love your husband.

Some refuse to love their husbands unless they get things or material needs met.

I know this happens in Africa a lot, and I know the men are agreeing with me now as they read this.

Some women want favors in order to give her husband the love he needs.

Women need to remove games from the marriage.

They need to mature and act like a real woman of God. AMEN

They need to be sincere with their husband and really love him. Not to get something. AMEN!

Nothing frustrates a man more than games about his sex life.

So women, you need to learn to not use things against him like that. Ever...


Did you know that there are fools in marriage?

People who are careless and callus and those who do not use the wisdom of God?

Those who make bad decisions that affect and damage the marriage.

When you are married, not only are you part of that marriage and not only do you make the decisions. Your spouse is affected too. So that is why it's so important to make GOOD and WISE decisions together.

We have to be so careful that we don't hurt one another or offend.

We should always be able to count on and take our decisions to our spouse and discuss them.

Never buy any property or anything unless you first talk it out with your spouse.

This way you will never be guilty of causing him/her hurt and you will prove to be totally honest with your spouse.

Doing things behind each others back is deceitful and dishonest.

You want to be honest with your spouse.

No secrets between you EVER!

Always tell each other about your day and don't keep anything from one another.

This is being honest and true.



We all make mistakes. Does that one mistake mean that your life is ruined? Or does God give you another chance?

Some bad decisions have life-long affects and consequences.

When people drink and drive, and have an accident while driving, they may end up crippled, or kill another. God forgives and often give them another chance.

We can do this in marriage too. We can drive each other too hard in some circumstances and not realizing we are injuring each other with words or attitudes.

When we use wisdom and make better choices and decisions, we can prevent making so many mistakes.

God gives us common sense and we should use it. :)

When we do make mistakes, it's always good to learn from the mistakes. Apologize when we are wrong. And the spouse wronged should forgive too. :)

As long as we ask forgiveness and move on and keep trying, we all can be forgiven AMEN

Then drop that and move on. AMEN!

It's the ones who keep repeating the same mistakes that mess things up for the relationship.

Decisions and mistakes can affect our physical relationship with our spouses.

Elimination of sin in our life is a way to keep on the right track in our marriage.

Love is giving with discernment. Love is a choice and a decision.

Love never fails and endures until the end, is loyal and determined. Love will not quit. AMEN

Love is not demanding of it's own way.

Really Love From The Heart:

So what am I saying? When you love your mate, you should not just go through the motions of loving, but put your heart and soul into it.

Anyone can ‘Make Love’ but when you are ‘In Love’ It’s a beautiful ‘God Given’ heavenly experience.

It should be a treasured experience from God.

When sex is shared between husband and wife in the marriage union, when you are both in Jesus. There is nothing compared to it.

It's a divine love you can't experience in the world!

If your love life is lacking, it may be due to your stand in the Lord, or emotional needs, or your spouses.

Check all areas to perfect them, so you don’t destroy them by not being sensitive to each other. And meet those needs!

Never forsake each other, fulfill each others emotional need, by being supportive, and do it from your heart, then you can both feel fulfilled your marriage bed.

Set the mood first before going to bed, and you will both enjoy it better.

WOMEN: Men show their love to you by making love.They show it physically.

Women show it emotionally. This is a fact and something to know and respect.

Men also like to have time alone, some people call it 'going into their cave'.

This is their processing time to think about what was said to them during the day or what the wife and him have discussed.

He needs that time to digest it.

If the wife understands this then she will be patient for him to come out of his cave and he will come out with a new perspective and work with you.

He will sort through his mind of all you talked about. And you will see results. :)

So allow the man his cave time and be patient.

Remember not to throw too much at your husband, at once. Try, one subject at a time.

So, if you check yourself and see if there is something you can do better to help your marriage to blossom--do it.

Women need, love, kindness, gentleness, and to feel loved. They need to hear, I LOVE YOU. And they also need to be shown in action too, not just in words.

Remember, woman are sensitive and if you speak sarcastic or harsh to them, you will hurt them (by not being sensitive enough), she will start acting unhappy, complaining, and it will affect your marriage bed.

Don't be the cause of this by being rude. Show some kindness.

Women do not like to feel 'put off' and unimportant. So men, always give your lady a time to talk so you can hear what she feels. BE A READY LISTENER! :)

Women also need to learn how to approach their spouse and say what they really feel to husband. In a calm and assertive way, so he will know what she needs.

You need the bonding! And the way to have bonding in marriage is to really know each other, know how to act towards each other and how to grow together from the heart.

Hebrews 13:15 By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.

Hebrews 13:20-21 "Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is well pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.


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