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Marriage Problems and Solutions Part 1
Apostle Cathryn Ndyabagye
Matthew 24:45-46 "Who is a faithful, sensible servant, to whom the master can give the responsibility of managing his household and feeding his family? If the master returns and finds that the servant has done a good job, there will be a reward.
We all know that marriage is not just a fairytale and you do face reality in knowing--it can be challenging sometimes!
In this lesson, I will cover what pastors go through, and other couples. And also show points to help you improve your relationship.
When you do have problems in your marriage relationships, there are always opts for solutions.
Believe it or not, pastors have marriage problems just like everyone else. They are human too.
You never have to be face a problem thinking there is no solution! There is always a good way to work out any problem.
Husband's and wives can find solutions easy if they know what to watch for, and what they can each do to improve and find solutions.
God can help marriages to mend and restore whatever problems spouses experience!
Pastors are examples to many people and need to be balanced (not only in ministry--also in their marriage relationship), and their family, which is their first ministry obligation..
Jesus spoke of how we are to be a servant to our families, how we are to
manage our home. Each spouse has a role to play and both spouses have important roles.
That means, NO meanness or aggressiveness. It means to do it in the wisdom of God, to know how to manage your marriage in a sensible, and mature way.
Men, how should you lead your family in the Lord?
Being a good shepherd at home first, and a good leader with the congregation also.
We have to be humble servants to be able to lead right and set the foundation of love in our families. And it takes a lot of love, patience and prayer!
It all starts at home...
To not lack in leading in the love of the Lord, this means, finding answers when challenges arise.
Matthew 20:26 "It is not so among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant.
Jesus calls us servants, and as Christians, we have an obligation to serve our spouses, and our families.
When we start at home to show the greatest respect and know how to work as a team to serve each other, then we will have a very affective ministry leadership.
*Put away the blame games and who is right and wrong.
Part of problem solving is knowing how to keep peace, when working out solutions.
The family runs smooth and peaceful when the spouses know what they are doing. Knowing how to manage your home is a learning process. Husband and wife have to be in agreement to help it run peacefully.
It keeps peace, less stress, and sets the examples for the children.
Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God..
Submitting our lives to loyalty and dedication in the Lord. Helps us also dedicate our own lives to each other better too.
Submit one to another! This means both spouses have to be a part of planning and leading their homes together equally.
Both spouses standing together with a humble heart and lots of love!
Ephesians 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:31 "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."
So, when we are married, we do all for the glory of God in our relationship too.
Galatians 6:9 "And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary."
When spouses set the examples of the home in both handling problems, and finding solutions--everyone will be happy.
Kids are happy when their parents really love each other and know how to manage their home.
parents are able to feel secure and happy in their relationship. This also keeps the kids happy too!
We must always wear our armor and watch out and keep our spiritual eyes opened to be on guard.
So we will know how to handle every situation and not allow the devil to tear the marriage or our family apart in any way.
Acts 20:28 "Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood."
When you put God first in your marriage then you have a good foundation for your family. Jesus will help you through any situation you face!
We need to live a Godly life and never allow sin to come into the marriage in any way.
And you can't think you can walk out on the marriage, just because you are experiencing problems. Not a good idea! Be a doer not a quitter!
If you know how to problem-solve then you can always work out anything together.
It takes both of you to solve them too! AMEN
Marriage is not about one person leading only, it's the ONENESS you had at the altar that shows that you both lead as spouses and that you decide all things together. This is how God ordained it.
God didn't make Adam and Eve and put them on opposite sides of the earth and tell them to MULTIPLY! He made them together to be together. So all they did was as a family.
Through thick and thin, good and bad, you can stand in Jesus and know all will be well. God does not want you to quit!
We are not supposed to cause our family discouragement, pain or sorrow. And though it happens, we can making it right with a simple apology That will balance things again!
When we show respect to our family first with: Kindness and compassion, listen to each other, showing we always care and can grow together, to decide all decisions together and compromise with each other when solving problems--This is what brings happiness, peacefulness, and keeps the family strong
When you do things considering every family member, not just what is best for you, then you show maturity, and you and your spouse can stand, both feeling you accomplished much. :)
Make sure your kids respect you by respecting them, enough to set boundaries for them to follow and be consistent.
If your house is balanced in love and proper discipline, your kids will turn out fine :)
Everyone should respect each other in your home. I believe in not only kids respecting their parents. We should respect our kids as they grow too.
We can’t allow the devil to cause our families to be torn away from each other through selfishness and strife.
Always have prayer time and pray over each others needs. This brings God's unity in a family.
There is a saying we always say in the USA. 'A family that prays together, stays together!'
Growing together should be in the minds of a spouse and family so you won't be growing apart.
You can actually keep growing closer every day! Keeps you on a good path.
Proverbs 2:9 Then shalt thou understand righteousness, and judgment, and equity; yea, every good path.
We are to be sensible in all our dealings
with the our family. And have fun together!!! I can't stress this enough!
Be mature in all your dealings and do not act childish. This means to try not to argue. Try hard to avoid that.
Job 6:25 How forcible are right words! but what doth your arguing reprove?
Job 6:25 How forcible are right words! but what doth your arguing reprove?
Pastors, we must not mistaken our time with our family--by not neglect our families needs, and not to put the ministry over the family in the way that pushes your family out of your life. We need to take care of our families first!Proverbs 27:8 "As a bird that wandereth from her nest, so is a man that wandereth from his place."
Being the spiritual leaders is the best way to live in marriage and to rule your home.
Never walk away from your family when they need you most!
Keeping wickedness out of the home and keep the home pure, by being strong in Jesus and living a holy life.
It also keeps peace and holiness in your home. (Not fleshly damage by the worldly ways--that hurt the family).
Proverbs 29:2 When the righteous increase, the people rejoice, But when a wicked man rules, people groan.
OH MEN LISTEN TO THAT ONE. TOO MANY MEN RULE TOO HARD...
Why do women rebel?
Women need an outlet and some of the ways they release stress is to talk.
Nothing is more frustrating than a man who shuts his wife out of his life!
When husbands turn their ear from listening to their spouse, when they do not take anything serious, and neglect to hear her in concern, this causes the women to feel uncomfortable and like she is not part of your life.
When a man gets to a point in his relationship with his wife, that he treats her as boring, HE has a real problem leading...
The best person a wife wants to share with, is her husband.
If her husband is not willing to listen to her, and never makes time for her, takes her words lightly, or doesn’t care what she says--after a time this relationship will deteriorate.
God made woman to assist man in many ways, how can she assist if the man will not listen? If he is not there for her?
Since Women are emotional beings they get their feelings hurt, it can make her very frustrated if her husband is mean and rude to her. This will cause bitter feelings and more problems in the home.
This is one of the big problems in why women leave the home. They are not treated good.
Men can become callus and cold if they only live for themselves. Just meeting their own selfishness needs.
Your marriage is not just about you! It's about your spouse too. So remember what God established for you, so you can be a blessing instead of a burden to your spouse.
Being a leader in the home takes 'dying to self' and thinking more of your spouse, and family member's needs, before your own.
This helps to bring balance to your family.
The husband comes home from work and walks through the door, wanting dinner to be served.
The woman had a stressful day and needs to talk to her husband.
The man eats his dinner and goes to pray.
The wife tries to talk to him, he seems too busy. She has not been around him much, because of his busy schedule at church. His mind is on a lot.
She keeps waiting until the right time. He always wants her there for him to do things for him, and she is always there for him.
It seems she can't find any time from his busy schedule to sit down to talk.
She feels disconnected.
As he seems to settle, she starts to share what is on her mind to release the stress, and the husband says, “Can you talk to me later? I have to go to a meeting in 5 minutes and out the door he goes.”
And she never gets to talk about what is bothering her and holds inside to build and build and build.
Then she explodes like a volcano. Because she never could talk to her husband.
Sound familiar? The woman is left hanging in her emotions. This goes on for days and months, until she blows up mad.
She becomes unhappy with her husband, because he leaves her out of his life.
Men, make time to be with your wife, not just in bed. Be her best friend.
Don't cause your wife to resent you by neglecting her. This will have an affect your love life.
If your wife is nagging you and you is feeling like losing it...
You scratch your head wondering "What is wrong with my wife lately?"
Chances are you need to analyse yourself in your marriage relationship, to see what you are forgetting.
Are you forgetting about your wife?
Not pay attention to her? Don't forget your obligations... To be her friend and make time for your wife. She is supposed to be part of you! Remember?
The saying, 'Check yourself before your wreck yourself' is a good term at this time.
Do you see the pattern?
She feels frustrated and starts to complain.
He thinks she has turned into a complete nag or having hormone problems.
The blame seems to go on her. Does this sound familiar?
You need to find out what she is saying to you. Most of the time a lady nags is because it's true what she is nagging about. Listen to her words from your heart and see what she wants and do it. Then you will make her happy!
Don't neglect your wife so much that she has to complain to you.
Think about what you can do to correct this and do it. Otherwise her complaining will not stop.
She begins to complain so much that it affects their relationship. She does not
listen to him anymore, to pay him back for all the time he never took her serious.
She starts to rebel against all that he does, and he can’t seem to get the support he needs from her anymore.
SEE WHAT HAPPENS?
When love and care is allowed to die in a relationship, all the other things die too.
So it takes both of you to keep love alive in your marriage!
You can correct your own selves and get back to normal again, if you want.
Stubbornness and rebellion does not feed good things into a relationship. Only kills it!
Yes, this is what happens in marriages when spouses do not make time for one another.
It all goes downhill because the spouses are failing each other and growing apart.
God wants you to fix it together.
Can you see how husbands and wives cause their own problems?
Can you see how things can fall into the wrong habits?
Each marriage develops their own habits. Some marriages develop a good relationship and keep it that way.
Their communication is great and they do not withhold anything from each other.
Is that how your relationship is?
Did you establish it good habits?
Men and Women of God, they need to start listening to each other and understand our spouses, and care what they say.
They need to avoid making each other feel shut out and ignored. This kills relationships, and romance.
Godly habits build our marriage up! Jesus never gives up loving us, so why should we give up loving each other?
Ladies do a lot for their husbands. Giving, serving. And men need to give back affection and caring, as well as, loving and listening. AMEN
Never replace your wife or husband’s time with other things. Never be too busy to make time for each other.
Your family deserves to be the priority and number one!
Problems can be avoided and relationships can grow closer if we open our eyes to see how we developed these habits and correct the bad ones.
Want your family to be happy? Make them happy by helping them and making sure you make them happy! Be kind to them and care about them. Do it!
Make a time each day when you can share, even if it’s only 10 or 15 minutes a day just to talk and have fun.
If we learn to listen more and slow down enough to be more committed
to our families, and meet their emotional needs, you would see, less problems develop, and more blessing start.
You are guaranteed to achieve happiness when you live in the love of God with your family.
We can always adjust our meetings around our family time too.
I know many work and you have to do your job, just make sure you balance your life with family time. :)
Families should have the freedom to laugh, wrestle, and enjoy one another's company.
Laughter is the best medicine in marriage and family. And we need more of it in our homes.
Many couples fight over money.
When money is the issue, there needs to be priorities of needs to be met in the family.
Simply learn how to budget the money so that the number one money problems are solved first.
If the family had needs for the school funds for children, and your church needs a pulpit, which would be the first priority?
All family members old enough to work a job can team up and gather the money together to pay for school.
Common sense will tell you to take care of the needs of your family first.
We need to have common sense and good judgment to make good choices and keep our priorities straight.
If your kids are starving and not able to eat and you give your money away to help someone else, you have sinned against your family.
1 Timothy 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
You can't feel right in your heart to raise money to go on a flight across country when you have not bought food for your family! Feed your family first!
If you do not have money for a meeting somewhere else, don't have it until you have it. GOOD RULE TO FOLLOW AND WISE. :)
It's great to help orphans and those needy, and you need to help your family and get them established, and then help others too.
Neglecting family is a bad example to the world. Be a good example to your family and make Jesus proud, that you can manage them well.
Men, the best way to keep your wife adoring you, is to care about her needs emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Don’t fail her in any of those areas.
You should treasure your wife.
Women the best way to keep your man happy is to support him, listen to him, and care about what he does and trust him.
I believe that you also have to teach your husband your own boundaries too. Don’t let him take advantage of you to the point that it’s all about HIM and you end up neglected.
You must let him know that you are his number one and remind him when you are feeling you need more time with him.
Men, listen to your spouse when she needs you. Be there for her! Do not forget about her needs.
Buy the dress she always desired, or get her that purse she wanted, get her some roses once in awhile and take her out to dinner. This makes a lady feel special!
It's all about giving to each other, not getting. When our focus is on giving, then we are on the right track to keeping our marriage happy!
Men, instead of forcing your wife to submit to you, spend more time seeing what her needs are, and be there for her.
Don't be so demanding. Be kinder and think about her needs for a change. Humble yourself more!
When men are only into their own image, it becomes ugly to everyone around them. This brings shame to your wife and family.
A man of God will not have an ego trip. He will display himself as humble and caring. He never goes against his wife. He adores her always.
If both of you strive for the same in pleasing each other then you can find more satisfaction in the relationship.
Work together more as a team and then your wife will be more willing to help you.
No lady likes to be forced to be what God already designed her to be. She is naturally a giver.
Women should never be bossed around or forced to serve a man.
Women are delicate people whom God designed and HE understands well. So respect the wife God gave to you!
Women will automatically submit, and love helping you, if you love them like you are supposed to.
Women know their role, so give her a chance. Try not to be so demanding and treating her like your slave or house girl.
Treat her right and she will love giving to you! AND the women said AMEN! :)
Don't run to other women for counsel when you have problems with your wife, this leads to temptations.
Work out your own marriage problems with your wife!
If you show her more respect since you are her KING (like she is a gift from God), and if you treat her like she is your QUEEN-- like you love her and are a good husband to her, then she will do so much to keep you happy. And she will be a happy wife.
Demanding and controlling men never have a happy wife. They make life miserable for their wife, It's a fact!--The wife is scared of her husband half the time, and wants to run.
Is this how you really want her to feel?
The ladies in these circumstances do not know how to deal with a hard man, because these men are hard to please.
These same women feel like a slave, instead feeling like a wife that her husband would appreciate.
Forcing & controlling is not what God had in mind Jesus never taught us to act this way.
If men stop bullying and stressing their wife so much and start enjoying her, then they would have a possibility to have a good positive loving relationship in the Lord! AND God would meet the man's needs financially and otherwise. :)
The reason men lack sometimes in their life is because of how they treat their wife.
A wife can’t force you to be a good leader, so don’t try to force her to submit.
‘Be a team instead’, it works better.
When you are yoked together in the Lord as ONE, how is the marriage supposed to be ONE if you don't act like ONE in love?
If the bible says not to be unequally yoked, Then why do you act so bad to her? If you call your self a Christian?
Instead of all the changing each other, just accept each other the way each other is and be patient.
Show more love and understanding and be content with each other and close.
You each have the responsibility to God, how you treat your spouse.
Submission comes naturally when not forced. Submission is a volunteer choice.
I know upbringing and culture has lots to do with how men treat their wife. But how about you put the generation chains down and follow God's ways of love?
Be joined lovingly together, submitting one to another brings a warmness between you and helps your marriage to grow in love.
